Something Old and Something New
by Senorita Sassybuns
Summary: My attempt at a 100 drabbles each 150 words, but eventually merging into once-shots. Chapters about everything from post DH to back when Harry was a wee tike. Rated T for safeety, but will most likely by more toward the K area
1. A Man's Opinion

**AN: YAY new story for all my fans! I am attempting a feat I have never tried before: drabbles. 100 drabbles to be precise. I shall need lots of help to conquer this mountain and am calling on you, loyal readers, to help me with ideas and love.**

Harry sighed deeply as he slumped in his uncomfortable chair. Hermione had dragged him out shopping with her because she needed "a man's opinion". Ron was taking her on a picnic tomorrow afternoon and apparently, she had nothing 'cute' to wear. So, Harry had to judge the outfits she tried on and make sure they were good enough for a picnic with Ron.

"What do you think of these?" Hermione asked, stepping out of a changing room. The small peek Harry had inside showed him he was far from over with his job. He saw about 50 different outfits she had yet to try on.

"Looks like pants," Harry yawned.

"Yeah, but are they cute? Hot? Sexy?" Hermione surveyed herself in the mirror.

"Does it matter?" Harry admitted. "I mean, it will just end up in a pile under a bush anyways!"

Hermione blushed furiously. After all, Harry was right.

**AN: make sure you leave a review!**


	2. Summer Camp

A loud blast from nearby sent the handful of aurors scattering into hiding places. Harry, being one of the aurors, found shelter behind a knobby tree stump. Without looking, he shot a few stunners over the stump. The thuds that followed, let Harry know that he had hit a target...or two.

"Harry!" Ron's voice lured Voldemort's vanquisher out of hiding. He was about to ask if he got all of them, then he saw the bodies.

Laying before him were the victims of Harry's powerful stunners: Bill and Percy. Behind the bodies of Bill and Percy were Molly and Dominique. They were being picked up after spending the past week at an all girls quidditch camp.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Molly poked Percy with her toe. When he didn't even stir, she frowned, her eyes on the brink of tears.

"He killed them," Dominique whispered in awe.

Harry stared.

**AN**: **make sure to leave a review! And an idea, if you have one, I will write about it. (Being as I have 98 to go)**


	3. Sexy Peanut Butter

Ginny had a plan: to prove to Harry he will drool over anything she did. She was going to seduce him with the craziest thing ever. So, she stood in the kitchen, spreading peanut butter on a slice of bread. Smooth, none of that chunky rubbish people called peanut butter. She was also using whole wheat bread, to set a good example for her two kids...who were sleeping.

"Ginny, what are you doing up in the middle of the night?" Harry asked, trudging into the kitchen for his late night nacho attack.

"Making a sandwich," Ginny took her time screwing the lid back on the peanut butter jar. She took a bite out of her snack, adding a few suggestive looks. She watched as Harry stared at her eat her sandwich. His face was glazed, like he was undressing her with his eyes.

"Take your clothes off...now...please."

**AN: three down, 97 to go! Don't forget to review!**


	4. Trick or Treat

Harry poked his head out the living room curtains at the streets before retreating into the safety of his house.

"They're everywhere!" Harry whispered. He drew his wand and pressed it to him, ready to strike at any moment's notice. He took another peek out the window to see how many of them there were: well over a hundred.

"Ginny!"

"What?"

"I don't like this idea! It's a bad one!" He called to his wife.

"Why is it bad?" Ginny walked into the living room, fastening earings to her ears. She was wearing a sleek and slender dress and had paint all over her face.

"Just look at them!" Harry pointed at the window. As Ginny went to look at what her husband pointed out, Harry made a break for the stairs. He poked into his son's room and saw him dressed in his cowboy costume, Stetson included. Damn Halloween.


	5. Prison Visit

"PRETTY LADY COMING THROUGH!" Ron shouted through the halls of Azkaban prison. Draco Malfoy's wife, Astoria, was visiting a cousin of hers that was imprisoned for ten years after the Battle of Hogwarts. Because the row he was taking her down was a little dangerous, he told her not to draw attention to herself. She didn't listen. The men in the cells were pressed to the door, dying to steal a look.

"I told you not to draw attention to yourself," Ron muttered harshly to the woman.

"I'm not the one that shouted to the entire block!" Astoria whispered back, smacking a prisoner's hand away from the hem of her robes.

Ron scoffed and continued to lead the woman to the cell of the inmate she was intending to visit.

"Surprise!" Astoria cheered when she entered her cousin's cell.

The man looked at her, "not really, I heard you coming."

**AN: leave a review, and some ideas! 95 to go...**


	6. Pick Up Lines

Ron stared at himself in the mirror, trying to get his hair to be just perfect. He was going to ask Lavender out (even though they were snogging earlier) and was determined to get a yes from her.

After writing to Fred and George, Ron knew exactly what he was going to say to her, but he needed to practice saying it. What better than to use a mirror?

"If you were a dementor, I'd become a criminal just to get your kiss," Ron said to his reflection. He threw in a slight seductive tone.

"Pucker up, Ron," Seamus sniggered from behind. The redhead wheeled around to see the sixth year boys laughing at him. His face turned the color of his hair and he stormed out.

"I hope that was Hermione he was talking about," Harry said. Later, he saw Lavender and Ron snogging. So much for high hopes.

**AN: leave a review! For you, VivaJuanita.**


	7. All I Want for Christmas

Four year old Harry gaped at the snow dancing down the window. Christmas was right around the corner and he couldn't wait to see what Santa brought him. At school, he wrote to the jolly man in the red coat, asking for his parents to come back from the car crash they were in. He had been planning to ask this of Santa since Christmas the previous year.

The previous Christmas, Harry receive a lump of coal. He had been bad. So, to make up for that year, he was beyond good. He did everything his aunt told him to do without complaint. He got good marks in school from studying every night. Santa was bound to give him his parents back.

Christmas morning rolled around and Harry emerged from his cupboard to find Santa had left him a pair of Dudley's old socks. Santa Clause is one giant hoax.


	8. Target

Cho Chang sat happily in her café chair, sipping her macchiato. It was a sunny spring day in Diagon Alley and the young woman couldn't wait to use her day off to stretch out and work on her tan for beach season. Her parents had a beach house in the tropics.

Pulling out her check list, Cho check all the boxes that she had accomplished in the day. She went to breakfast with her friend Miranda, then they went shopping for a new bikini, she was sipping coffee, and now all she had to do was tan and pack for her two week getaway in paradise.

Just then, Harry Potter was strolling down the allley, headed for the joke shop. A thought crossed Cho's mind: what's a beach trip without a hunkalicious man stretched out with her? Acting quickly, Cho grabbed her coffee and'accidentally' ran into her ex boyfriend.


	9. Set Up

"Oh I am so sorry!" Cho cried. She pretended not to notice she just spilled coffee all down Harry's front.

"It's fine, really," Harry replied grimly.

"Harry?" Cho blinked. "I haven't seen you in years!"

"There's a reason for that," Harry rolled his eyes. He hated these schemes girls played to try and ask him out. They were all the same too. The coffee trick, the lost piece of jewelry trick (like they couldn't summon the darn thing!), and his personal favorite, the drowning on air trick. Girls were desperate to be with him. At least he had his own weapon to scare them off. And it wasn't his wedding band either.

"You know, I need to run over to the joke shop really quick to pick something up," Harry smiled. "Why don't you stay here and I'll come buy you another cup of coffee."

Cho smiled. The plan worked.


	10. Fail

Cho sat innocently in her café chair once more. She didn't watch to see when Harry was coming back. He was too polite to ditch anyone, especially someone as pretty as her. Once they got talking, he'll see that breaking up with her was the worst decision of his life and then they would hook up, maybe have some sexy time, and go to the tropics for two weeks together. They would definitely have sexy time in the beach house. Maybe on the beach too.

"Here you go, Cho," Harry's voice broke Cho's fantasy. Not just the fake one, but the real on too. In Harry's hand was a fresh macchiato and the other hand held a baby carrier.

"Thanks!" Cho paused. If there was a baby in that carrier...no, it couldn't be _his_ baby. He was probably watching it for someone.

"This is my son James," Harry said.

**AN: one tenth of the way done! This is harder than it seems. You see, I always finish typing at 154 words and then need to cut 4 words to make it an even 150. Leave me a review and some ideas for a chapter! I have 90 chapters left to write, so I will write about what you leave me!**


	11. King of Dance, Queen of Everything Else

It was the evening before Ron was to get married, so, naturally, he was having a bachelor's party. Although not all the members of the party were bachelors (including himself), it didn't stop them from having good fun.

Having a good time for Ron meant he was getting his freak on! As music blared throughout his flat, Ron was up on the coffee table, showing everyone how it's done. He bobbed and swayed and air grinded his way to being the life of the party.

The party was nothing short of lively. Although the men were mostly drunk, no one had vomited on the furniture (which Hermione would kill him for). As long as Ron was in control, no one could ruin the night.

Until Hermione walked in.

She took one look around and brought the party to a halt. Apparently, Hermione had antiques and Ron was dancing on one.


	12. Something is Rotten in Bed

Harry stirred groggily in his bed. It was the second time he had been to a drunken crazy party. The first being Ron's bachelor (prior to Hermione shutting it down because Ron was dancing on her grandmother's antique table). The second (and last...for the year) was the ministry's Christmas party.

As the young man rolled over in bed, he wound his arms around his wife, who was lying beside him. He snuggled up close to her. It was cold outside and her body was nice and warm. He figured they had some sexy time, because Ginny didn't have pajamas on.

Harry smiled to himself, nuzzled into her neck, kissing it deeply. He continued to kiss her neck until her heard his wife moan softly. Her voice was deep. A little too deep. Harry frowned and his hand trailed up to his 'wife's' chest and he felt something missing. Two things missing to be precise.

**AN: this one is 5 words over the limit, but this was too good to butcher. Naturally, leave a review and some chapter ideas. The next series** **of drabbles are for VivaJuanita!**


	13. Malfoy is Not My Wife

Harry jumped back and tumbled out of bed. The loud crash made his bed mate stir as well. With Harry's poor vision, the only thing he could distinguish was a shock of blonde color. His heart stopped dead as his blood ran cold.

"Potter?" Draco Malfoy said in a quavering voice.

"Malfoy?" Harry returned. He felt his stomach churn and put his hand on his stomach, hoping its contents doesn't make an encore.

After exchanging looks of shock, the two men looked down at their plaid boxers and then back at each other. They opened their mouths to speak, but only a scream channeled up their vocal chords and out their mouths.

"Bloody hell!" Malfoy cried.

"I slept with you!" Harry half sobbed. "I am an unfaithful husband!"

"You slept with a man and you're worrying about unfaithfulness? I would be questioning my sexuality if I were you!" Malfoy cried.

**AN: leave a review with some ideas for chapters! 87 to go!**


	14. Nothing is as it Seems

Ginny smiled to herself as she poured herself and Astoria another cup of coffee.

"Would you like some more banana nut pancakes?" she offered woman. Astoria shook her head.

"No, I've had my fill thank you," Astoria smiled shyly. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I'll admit the thought was funny, but won't they get mad at us?"

Ginny laughed, "so? It's funny. Besides, this is something to keep them in line for when you're at a relative's or something. You simply mention this, and they will shut up in an instant."

"I guess you're right," Astoria took another sip of coffee.

In that moment, the two women heard a loud crash and shouting. The men were awake, finding out how much "fun" they had at the party.

"You take two men, strip them to their boxers, throw them in bed together and suddenly they're gay," Ginny mused.

**AN: Dude! That's evil. Anyways, back to 150 words. Leave a review!**


	15. Puppy!

"Mummy! I want a puppy!" Hugo said suddenly. He was sitting at the table, waiting for breakfast at the Burrow. Mrs. Weasley played babysitter for her grandchildren for their parents, who had to work. Hermione was just dropping off her son with her mother in law before she had to go to the Ministry. She had a very important meeting on goblin restrictions to attend to.

"A puppy? Since when did you want a puppy?" Hermione took a sip of her cup of tea.

"Since I saw uncle Harry with a puppy," Hugo said.

"When did you see that?"

"Yesterday. He had a puppy and then I wanted a puppy," Hugo explained. "Please can I have a puppy? Just for me? Rose isn't allowed to touch him."

"We'll see," Hermione loved ambiguous answers only parents were allowed to give. Especially when the "puppy" Harry was holding was a baby dragon.


	16. Not Quite a Teenage Dream

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Lily squealed. Her breath came in deep gasps only to be sputtered out in spastic screams. Her body raged with adrenaline. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Standing there, right before her eyes.

He was positively gorgeous. Tall, well put together, a smile to make anyone's heart melt, eyes that she could get lost in without caring if she ever came back. Lily was trying not to let her imagination get the better of her, but with him so close, she could touch his perfectly built shoulder, all of her sense of reality was out the door.

Lily stood transfixed. She knew her father was somewhere nearby, but she didn't know where. If she did, he would be dragging her away from the most perfect moment of her eight year old life.

"Lily!" a voice called. It wasn't strong enough to bring the girl out of her revere.

**AN: this is another three part drabble cluster. Can you guess who Lily is freaking about? **


	17. Looking for Red Head

Harry crouched low to the ground as he milled around the flock of people. His daughter was somewhere in the group, adolescent girls were too busy trying to touch some visiting celebrity, they ripped the two apart. His eldest son was trying to follow him as close as he possibly could. James was less worried about his sister and more worried about not getting his school supplies.

"Dad, I'm sure she's with mum," James groaned.

"James, we are not going anywhere until your sister is found," Harry commented. He figured if he found her colorful socks, he would find her.

"What's so big about this guy anyways? He has a stupid haircut."

"That's not the point. The point is that your sister is somewhere in this mob."

James looked around impatiently. He spied a shocking patch of red hair in a pony tail on top of her head. "Found her."


	18. Ken

James elbowed his way through the screaming, fainting mob. Fortunately for him, Lily was standing still. She had her eyes fixed on something though. _Oh no,_ James thought. _She's caught up in all this mayhem too._ He turned back toward his father, who was moving in the opposite direction. James contemplated doubling back and fetching the man, but he decided against it.

The eleven year old managed to shove his way to the front of the stage and over to her sister. Her eyes were glazed over and she had a dreamy smile on her face.

"Lily!" James shouted. She didn't hear him. So, he did things the older sibling way. He grabbed her shoulder and yanked her around.

"Hey!"

"You were asking for it! Besides, what's so great about Justin Beiber?"

Lily gave her brother a funny look, "who? Hey, do you think dad will let me get that Ken doll?" the little girl pointed at the shop window by the stage.

**AN: upstaged by a Ken doll! Leave a review**


	19. Punishment

Harry felt the low dull ache of a stiff neck screaming at him. He tried to adjust his neck so that it would stop hurting, but when his bumped the soft, plump life form snuggled up against his neck, he stopped dead in his tracks.

To Harry, this was unfair. He needed sleep too! But no, his boss just had to show him what happens when aurors pull April Fool's day pranks.

It wasn't even that bad of a prank. All he did was put chocolate frosting on the seat of the head auror's chair. It wasn't permanent damage. It just looked like he sat in dog poo. But that's what April Fool's day was all about.

Now, Harry was stuck in a room filled with sleeping puppies. Cute, furry little puppies who make babies when they sleep. They all curled up closely to Harry for warmth

What a life.


	20. Wishful Thinking

Ginny yawned deeply. Her head was pounding and she still had two hours until James' second birthday party was over. She used the birthday cake as an excuse to leave the chaos. A small part of her felt bad for leaving Harry to man 14 kids on his own, but that was only a small part. The bigger part of her felt that manning 14 kids less than ten years of age built character.

Some of the screams of a water fight trickled indoors, causing Ginny's eyes to shoot out the window. Harry was being chased by a hose. Leave it to the Boy Who Lived to let a bunch of tiny kids overthrow him. He could defeat a dark wizard any day, but manage a group of boys with water? Powerless.

Ginny finished frosting the cake. Before she returned outside, she looked at her protruding stomach, "please be a girl."

**AN: twenty down! 80 to go. I really need some help with ideas (it's why it took me so long to update). So, if you want to hear more, give me your ideas, I promise I'll write about them!**


	21. Just Walking By

**AN: I'm back! It's been awhile and to make up for it, I will be posting 10 chapters! Thank you to all of my reviewers, you guys so rock. Also, thanks to those who favorited and alerted the story. **

Ron was walking casually downstairs of the Burrow. It was a sweltering hot day, too hot for a ginge like himself to venture out. He would be red as a lobster in a matter of minutes. So instead, he was heading to the kitchen to fix himself a sandwich with a cool glass of lemonade. On his way down the stairs, he heard his sister from her room on the second floor.

"Left, left, now just a little deeper...OW! Too deep, Harry," Ginny gasped.

"Sorry Gin, I'm trying my best. Just hold still for a little bit longer," Harry replied.

Horror slapped Ron's face. His hand flew to the doorknob.

**AN: Cliffhanger! Stay tuned.**


	22. Doctor is in the House

Ron's hand froze in mid turn. He did want to stop his sister from doing something she was too young for, but at the same time, walking in on his best friend and sister in the act wasn't how he wanted to spend his day. At the same time, he couldn't just walk on by like he hadn't noticed anything. He needed to act.

Ron, trying out his new anger management tips he received from his class, raised his fist to knock on the door.

"OW! You're pushing too hard. You need to start pulling!" Ginny snapped. Ron gagged and turned away. It wasn't worth being scared for life.

Three hours later, Harry and Ginny emerged. Ginny's ear was red and Harry looked flustered.

"What's up?" Ron asked ignorantly.

"Teddy stuck a doll shoe in Ginny's ear. I've been trying to fish it out. It was really awkward.

"You're telling me!"


	23. Kids These Days

A memo zoomed onto Harry's desk in the auror's office. He almost bypassed it, reasoning he had better things to do other than hear what his boss had a problem with now. The guy was always telling Harry to fix this and that. It was like he was the man's file shiner. He wasn't, however. He was an auror. He chased after dark wizards and brought them to justice. He made sure Azkaban was at top notch security without the use of dementors (they were dubbed as cruel and unusual).

Despite his dislike for the tasks his boss sent him via paper airplane, he still looked at the memo. Refreshingly enough, it was from James.

_Dad,_

_Can you come get me? Trent and I were experimenting with some of the portkeys in the ministry and I ended up in a mud pit outside of...someplace. I'm stuck._

_Thanks,_

_James_

Not again.


	24. I Dream of Chocolate

Ginny stared wide-eyed and longingly at the contents of the glass window. The people that passed her gave her strange looks, but she didn't care. One lady even went up to her and starting chatting about window shopping for the things they could never buy. That wasn't true. She was Ginny Weasley. She was star chaser for the Holyhead Harpies, fiancee of the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter. She could practically afford anything. However, she did have a sense of self control. She was staring at the products in the window because they were tempting her.

Three years they had been together. That is, not counting the few months during her fifth year of school. Each year she hopes for something in the store she gazed longingly at and each year he gets her something different. Always a disappointment.

Was it too much to ask for a box of chocolates?

**AN: This chapter was for MsClulessChild, thanks for the idea!**


	25. Master of Disguies

Harry readjusted the strap on the dress he was wearing. He looked anxiously over his shoulder. George was on the prowl and Harry knew if he spied what he was wearing, he would never see the end of it. It would most likely end up on this year's Christmas card!

"More tea Mrs. Brown?" Lily asked, pouring tea into the cup of her stuffed narwhal. She liked to play tea party and was elated when Harry had the day off. She made him sit down and play tea party with him...wearing a flapper dress.

The dress was pink and had a pair of white gloves to match along with a little head piece. Apparently, there were no boys allowed to Lily's tea party, but none of the guests would notice Harry if he wore a dress.

"Lily honey, may I have more tea too?" Harry held out his cup.

**AN: too cute! Can anyone picture Harry in a flapper dress?** **I can. Leave a review!**


	26. MJ Break

The mall in Surrey was always the happening place in August. Teens were enjoying the last few precious weeks of summer vacation trying to stamp out the remaining knowledge from the previous year, if they hadn't already. Parents spent their time gearing up for the first day of school by taking advantage of the sales. Harry tried his hardest to get "lost". The last thing he wanted to was cruise through stores, looking at clothes for Dudley.

Aunt Petunia dragged the nine year old into an electronics store. Dudley had been wanting the new Donkey Kong game for his Nintendo 64 and his mummy was going to give it to him. Harry decided to occupy his time looking at a some of the cassette tapes. He found one to listen to in the sample player.

For four minutes, Harry was seen through the window, bobbing his head to Billie Jean.


	27. Man's Night In

26 year old Ron Weasley and Harry Potter sat on the couch, scooping Neopolitan ice cream into their mouths from the gallon tub perched between them. The lights were darkened to not detract from the illumination of the television set. Despite having a wizarding home, Hermione wanted to put a few muggle touches in them. The television were one of those touches.

Ron never admitted it, but he loved television. It was a brilliant form of entertainment when there weren't any good quidditch matches on the radio. He could also get an edge on his rival, Brian, at the office. The muggle news would report on weird happenings that could only be the work of dark wizards. As he passed the tissue box to his best mate, they shared a love for muggle film. They could cry because it was just them in the house. So they watched _The Notebook_.


	28. The Uncoolest Kid

Preschool sucked. There was no other way to put it. Harry hated it with a fiery passion that burned deep within his soul. He would rather spend time with Ms. Figg and that was saying something. Maybe it was the teacher. She would stare at his hair and ask if it was always like that. When Harry replied yes, she would wrinkle her nose. Harry heard some parents refer to it as 'shag hair' whatever that meant.

Harry's hair made him feel like a celebrity. It made him unique and all the kids on the playground all knew who he was. At snack time, all the kids wanted to trade with him. Not because he had a better snack. In all honesty, he had the worst snack in the class, but kids wanted to trade with him to say they gave up their snack for the coolest kid in the school.

Preschool sucked because when Harry broke something, everyone remembered who did it.


	29. Caribbean in September

Ginny browsed the curio shop next to her hotel. She woke up early and decided to take a walk. Normally, she would go to the beach, but a storm was looming in the distance. The waves were angry and clashing hard onto the beach. She told that man to check the weather before they left, but he said no. It wouldn't rain while they were there. He was just so sure and what does it do on the second day they are there? Rain. No. It doesn't rain. It does more than rain. They just happened to be expecting a level two hurricane. Some honeymoon.

Already the wind was starting to pick up and blow the lightest things around. Ginny headed back to the room. It was going to be a long day.

When she walked in, Harry was there, smiling mischievously. Maybe today wouldn't be that boring after all.


	30. Study Break

Studying was a big deal. Especially when it was for the OWLs. They are arguably the most important test. Although the teachers will stress the importance on success on the NEWT. But they never considered the fact that you can't take the NEWT without taking the OWL.

Studying was a big deal when it was time for final exams and where was the best place to study? The library. It was quiet with an arsenal of books to study from in the library. At Hogwarts, the library had massive book shelves and a restricted section. The best part about the restricted section is that no one was ever in there.

Ginny spent a lot of time studying in the restricted section. She studied Harry's lips as she kissed them and she studied his hair as she ran her fingers through the messy mop. She could study him for hours and hours.

**AN:** **woohoo! All done with my updates for now. I think I will update in ten chapter intervals because it makes the 70 chapters I have left to type easier. Make sure to leave ideas and a reviews!**


	31. BFF Red Cup

**AN: For you, VivaJuanita! Let's have a party!**

The Potter household was renowned in the entire Potter/Weasley/Order family. They threw four holiday parties a year and six birthdays (Teddy is number 6). There was the New Year's party, the Christmas Party, the Halloween Party and National Ice Cream Day party (for the kids). Percy always found he was horribly busy at work and usually stopped by for a few minutes to say hello and then headed back to the office. On this particular New Year's party, he had the night off and was staying longer. The kids had all gone to bed, but the adults were still standing around.

"I guess we should go home now," Percy offered. Ginny gave her brother a look.

"The party is just getting started, Perce," Ginny laughed. At that moment, Harry sprang into the room with a package filled with what looked to be red cups. He didn't recognize the logo on the bag and assumed it was a muggle thing. Harry passed out the cups and filled them using a 30 pack of Coors Light. Percy took a sip from his cup. The taste was horrible.

"Don't worry, you get used to the test," Bill clapped his brother back.

~2 hours later~

"You know, Audrey, this cup is…my BEST FRIEND!" Percy cried. He had tears in his eyes. He cradled his cup and then drained its contents.

"I think you may be sauced, Percy," the drunkard's wife replied. She pulled the cup away from him and went in search for the hosts of the party to tell them they were going to go home.

"I think it's a new year now," Ron mused, laying on the floor and staring up at the ceiling.

"I'll drink to that!" Percy threw his hand in the hair and then put it to his mouth, expecting there to be a cup there. "Hey, where did my friend go? Cup? Red cup? Where are you?" He stumbled from the couch and into the coffee table that was littered with cups. "There you are. You know, we should go for coffee sometime." With that, he passed out, narrowly missing a dazed Ron.

If that party ever changed anything in Percy, it was his attachment to a certain red cup, which sits in his office.

**AN: you can review, or not, I don't care.**


	32. Dragon?

"Harry, what did you do with that dragon?" Hermione whispered to her friend after she got out of her meeting.

"Dragon? What dragon?" Harry mused.

"The one Hugo thought was a puppy."

"That was a puppy," Harry explained. "I was telling Ginny that animals can only be transfigured into other animals only if they were related to each other by some way shape or form. She said that I couldn't transfigure a puppy in to a dragon even though they are related. So, I went and bought a puppy, turned it into a dragon."

"Did you honestly buy a dog just to turn it into a dragon? That's just inhumane!" Hermione shrieked.

"How?" Harry asked, "I turned it right back into puppy as soon as I proved my point. Now, the dog may still be spitting up fire, but he's still as happy as can be. The kids named him Marshal."

"Why Marshal?" Hermione wondered.

"Because they use his fire breath to roast marshmallows."

**AN: this goes along with the chapter called "Puppy"**


	33. Paranoid Memories

Harry thought that sending his kids off to school would be a piece of cake. He takes them to the train station, puts them on the train and promise to write the next day. Then, he goes home with his wife and they sit around feeling sorry for themselves for having one less child in the house. No problem. It wasn't until the paranoia set in did Harry realize that sending kids off to boarding school was easier said than done.

"What if James gets stuck in Devil's Snare and he doesn't know what to do?" Harry ran frantically around the kitchen looking for some parchment to write his eldest son. "I'll write him a quick note with a detailed explanation.

"You do realize there is no reason he would get into Devil's Snare right?" Ginny asked over her coffee.

"I bet your mother thought the same thing about Ron."


	34. Father and Son

Draco Malfoy swiveled around in his chair. The faster his chair spun in circles, the louder Scorpious' squeals of delight got. His nanny called in sick that day so Draco decided to take his four year old son with him to work. His agenda showed no meeting, so he thought they would just hang out in his office while he did some much needed paper pushing. Scorpious, being the perfect child that he was, sat quietly and colored.

It wasn't until Potter had to come by and "accidentally" blow up a fountain because the dark wizard some punk auror was bringing in slipped away. Stupid Potter, always being the hero and tainting his son's mind. Now, he had to spin his son around in a chair to entertain him. After work, he will buy his son a cupcake. Then they will go home and he will let his son ride around on his toy broom even though his mother took it away. He didn't spoil his son. Unlike Potter.


	35. Summer of Meat

There was a long line at the meat counter. Harry grimaced as soon as he walked into the supermarket and spied it. Everytime there was a bank holiday in the summer; people took it as an opportunity to have picnics with their families. The Dursleys were amongst the families having a picnic and needed chicken for a salad and roast beast for sandwiches.

Harry sighed as he walked behind the meat counter and clocked in. "Oh sure, Remus, getting a summer job is a great idea. Why don't you suggest it to the Dursleys, I am sure they won't take advantage of the idea at all," he mumbled to himself. He washed his hands and tied his apron behind his back.

Now in full uniform, Harry returned to the counter. "Number 54?"

The bony figure of his aunt rolled up to the counter and handed him her number. September was so far away.


	36. The Abridged Agenda

"GINNY!" Harry called after walking through the fireplace.

"What?" Ginny called from somewhere in their house. They just had new carpet put in so, naturally, it had the new carpet smell.

"Woman, get down here!"

"I'm not making you a sandwich!" Ginny called back. Harry estimated she was in the bathroom…with the door open?

"Where are you?" Harry began to creep toward the stairs. He didn't want to intrude on his wife of three months while she was on the john, but if she left the door open, the situation might get a little awkward.

"I'm upstairs," Ginny said. "What did you want?"

Harry paused. What did he want? A sandwich did sound nice because he was a little hungry. What else? Sex. Yes, he wanted sex and then a sandwich and then maybe he would get his GTL on.

"Oh, Harry! Teddy is going to be here in a few minutes. I was getting his room ready for him," Ginny said from the hall.

Scratch the first two plans. Harry decided just to GTL.


	37. Aracnophobia

Ron threw some preparatory air punches. This may be the most important competition of his life. He needed to prove himself to the wizarding community that he was the Iron Stomach. Even though the name sounded cliché, but Hermione thought of it and it wasn't like his idea was any better.

As the red head prepared for his face off with his favorite thing in the world, he had to wonder why Harry had decided to sign him up for an eating competition. Of course, he could handle anything they threw at him, but it was still curious. He knew Harry was looking for revenge after the Christmas card incident the previous year. This could be it.

Ron saw a group of people dressed in white coats push carts of piles of food out to the stage.

"Is that what we are going to be eating?" He asked them.

"Yep," one of the chefs replied. "Whoever can eat three platters of these deep fried tarantulas first wins."

Ron gulped.


	38. Desk Secrets

Harry and Ron were sitting in the office they shared, struggling to finish the paper work on their latest mission. Of all the things in the auror office, the follow-up paper work was by far the worst. It was even worse than the five A.M. meeting with a broken coffee machine.

Both Ron and Harry were distracted from their work. It wasn't because there was a trainee hovering over their every move. Harry couldn't recall being as annoying as an 18 year-old. Ron was about ready to tell the kid to go flush his head down the toilet. However, both men kept looking toward the drawers of their desk.

"What's in the desk?" The trainee asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Nothing," Ron grunted. "Why don't you take off early?"

The trainee didn't even have to ask twice and grabbed his coat. He left the office faster than Dudley running to the cafeteria on pizza and chocolate cake Friday.

"What's in the desk?" Ron asked Harry.

"What's in your desk?" Harry deflected.

"Nothing."

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours?" Harry asked. Ron gave him a horrified look.

"What the bloody hell…"

"The desk, Ron," Harry corrected. "I will show you what's in my desk if you show me what's in your desk."

"Alright," Ron pulled open his desk drawer and pulled out the purple velvet box. It was about 2x2x1 in size. Harry could tell it was a ring and without delay, pulled out a similar looking box. His was a classic black color.


	39. My Baby Takes the Morning Train

What started as an average day of follow up paper work, turned into a proposal stand-off. Harry and Ron exchanged glances between each other and the rings that were sitting peacefully on their desks.

"You're going to ask my sister to marry you?" Ron sniffed. Despite being happy for his friend and sister, he still couldn't shake his older brother protectiveness.

"So it would seem," Harry replied coolly. "I reckon You's gonna ask Hermione?"

"What's with the accent?"

"I have no idea; it matched the mood," Harry laughed. "When are you going to ask her?"

"Tonight," Ron began. "We're going to dinner and then she wanted to go for a walk in the park. I thought I would have a little picnic set up with some wine, maybe some grapes and cheese. She really goes for that French stuff ever since we came back from Paris. Then, after a little firework display courtesy of George, I'll ask her."

"That sounds like a great plan, but mine is better," Harry leaned back in his chair and put a toothpick in his mouth. He decided to continue with his southern persona. "You see, Ginny gone come back from Scotland tomorrow mornin' and we's a meetin fer coffee. With her favorite cup 'o' joe at hand, Imma have the coffee maker spell out a proposal in a little heart with that white frothy stuff that sits o' top o' the coffee." Harry stretched and scratched his stomach. "Yep. She'll like it. Say yes. And then well we's a gonna have ourselves a lovely backyard weddin'."

"I hope you don't ask her with that voice," Ron wrinkled his nose. "Besides, my idea is way more romantic. Your idea is cheesy."

"I smell me a bet." Harry continued with his southern voice.

"Loser has to sing Morning Train at Karaoke night at the Leaky Cauldron," Ron declared.

"May the more romantic and engaged man win."

**AN: These chapters have strayed from my original goal of 150 words, but I doubt anyone cares. Call these past two chapters a cliffhanger. Harry and Ron's proposals will follow. Each one will take a few chapters to do. **


	40. Phase 1

Harry walked briskly into the coffee shop he was meeting Ginny for breakfast. She arrived back late last night, so he was expecting her to be early. He figured he would order he drink right as she walked in. He already paid off the barista to write his proposal in the white frothy milk stuff of the coffee.

As he sat in his chair, nervously checking his watch, Harry took the time to process that he was either going to be spending the rest of his life with one person. Day after day, week after week, the same face, body, personality until he was like 120 years old. That, or he was going to be rejected and be a lonely catman, yelling at little kids playing in the street, having everyone hate him for his bitterness and despise for the world, buying stuff from the Home Shopping magazine, and dying so tragically deserving, it ends up on 1000 Ways to Die.

While Harry was lost in the dilemma that was the crossroads in his life, Draco and Ginny walked into the coffee shop. As Harry turned to see them, his only thought was: "This is the start to a bad bar joke."


	41. Little White Lie

"Hey Gin," Harry hugged his girlfriend and took her coat off for her. "What do you want to drink? I'll go order it for you."

"Just an Americano with milk. I'm not feeling anything fancy. I'm still a little tired from the trip," Ginny replied with a yawn. Harry nodded and walked to the counter, mentally kicking himself for not planning for the even Ginny wanted a non-fancy, girly coffee drink with white foamy milk stuff on top. Well, she'll get one anyways and he'll make it look like a mistake…somehow.

Harry placed Ginny's order as a cinnamon latte with extra froth and tipped the barista generously aside from the small proposal bribe. He didn't pay attention to the barista making the coffee and went straight to the little pick-up table. As the barista put Harry's coffee order out, he pulled out the ring, glancing over to see Ginny reading the paper. Suddenly, Harry felt his shoulder being shoved. The ring flew from his hand and landed straight into the coffee.


	42. Fumble, Potter

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Harry regained his composure over the ring landing in the coffee. He quickly grabbed some napkins and planned to "accidentally" spill the coffee. The ring will fall on the floor and well, he will just take it from there. He grabbed the coffee and quickly took the cup over to his hopefully soon-to-be wife.

"Here you go, Ginny," Harry smiled serenely at her. Ginny looked over her paper and frowned.

"Harry, this isn't an Americano. It's some fancy drink. The lady got it wrong."

"What do you mean? Look at the foamy stuff!" Harry cried. His plan was going further and further south.

"Yes, I see it!" Ginny replied, "There is no froth in an Americano. If you're not going to take it back, then I will."

"Wait!" Harry grabbed the cup and looked at it. There was no proposal in the foamy stuff. Frustrated, he set the cup down hard on the table. So hard that the cup tipped over and spilled its contents all over Ginny and the floor.

"Harry!" Ginny jumped up and took out her wand. She cleaned up the mess and apologized to the baristas for creating a mess. "What is your problem? I come back after a few weeks away and you're acting…weird. Are you seeing someone else?"

"What? No!" Harry answered. He was on the floor looking for the ring that was supposed to be. He looked in the cup and found nothing. Accepting defeat, Harry stood up and grabbed his coat. "I have to go to work."


	43. Awkward Fail

"How did it go?" Ron asked, hiding his laugh but making it obvious he found the look on Harry's face.

"I don't want to talk about it," Harry threw his body into his chair and tried to bury himself in his work to keep his mind of the inevitable conversation he will have to have with Ginny when he gets home. Mr. Weasley was right: living together was a bad idea.

If the morning couldn't get any worse, Draco Malfoy stormed into Harry and Ron's office.

"Think you're funny, eh Potter?" Malfoy shot at Harry. He was holding a cup of coffee.

"What are you talking about?" Harry sighed. He wasn't in the mood for Malfoy's demands.

"I hate to burst your little golden boy bubble, but I'm not interested in being your man-wife," Malfoy slammed the coffee cup on the table that looked like it once had a frothy heart in it. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring and put next to the coffee.

"Who the bloody hell do you think you are storming out like that when I was trying to talk to you, Harry Potter?" Ginny shouted upon entering the office. Her face was red with anger. "You were rude and a prat!"

Harry only heard half of what Ginny had said. He was completely dumbfounded by what Malfoy had put in front of him. He must have taken the coffee intended for Ginny and he stole Malfoy's coffee.

Ginny followed Harry's gaze to the ring and the coffee cup. She then looked at Malfoy, who was staring intently at Harry. She felt herself fill with rage for the second time that morning. "Oh, I don't think so! You go find your own man and leave mine alone!"

"Wha—?" Malfoy tried to follow Ginny, but he found himself on the ground with and angry, conclusively soulless, ginger shaking him.

"Ginny, no!" Harry swooped in and pulled his angry girlfriend off of the blonde. Ginny took a step back looked between Harry and Malfoy. She gave Harry one last look and stormed out of the office.

After a dramatic pause, Ron fell on the ground, laughing hysterically.


	44. Words of Wisdom

**AN: Harry may have been first at bat, but not it's Ron's turn**

Ron was enjoying a lovely summer day sitting in the shade while drinking lemonade. It was mid-June, so the weather wasn't too hot. It was absolutely perfect for him to enjoy sitting outside. He would like to have had his wife sitting next to him so that they could enjoy the weather together, but since he saw his 22 year-old son striding across the lawn toward him, he'll have to do.

"Hey, dad, how are you today?" Hugo asked, plopping down next to his father. "It was such a lovely day today I thought to myself "gee, I would love nothing more than spending this day with my old man." so, here I am!"

"What do you want, Hugo?" Ron replied groggily. Being an auror for over twenty years made him see right through his son's ploy.

"Well, I need your help on something." Ron turned to face Hugo, and the man continued, "you see, I want to propose to Attie and I was thinking about putting the ring in a slice of pumpkin pie, since it's her favorite and then giving it to her. I dunno, do you think that is a good idea?"

"That depends," Ron mused. "Are you trying to kill her or marry her? Because it sounds to me like you're planning a hit job and well, I just might have to through you in Azkaban for it."

"What?"

"Pull up son grass, son, let me tell you a story."


	45. Pininick Basket

Ron placed his proposal picnic carefully in the basket he borrowed from his mum. He knew Hermione was in the other room, so he had to be swift as a coursing river. He picked up one of the delectable pudding cups he prepared for their picnic and placed the engagement ring he'd spent the past year and a half paying off carefully into the pudding. With the slingshot engaged, he set the pudding cup into the basket. He used Hermione's label maker to label her pudding. Just in case.

"Well, sounds like Harry and Ginny worked out the whole incident with Malfoy," Hermione commented as she walked in the room.

"That's good," Ron said. He closed the basket and wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's waist and the two disapparated for their favorite picnic park.

After the couple found a spot in the sun, Ron felt that, unlike Harry, his plan was going to go perfectly.


	46. NonSexy Dessert

Hermione lay stretched out on the picnic blanket she brought next to Ron. They had enjoyed a delicious lunch. There wasn't a better way to spend her day off of work. They didn't talk, just laid in the sun relishing in the other's company.

"You know, there's still dessert," Ron piped up. He looked over at Hermione with a smile on his face. _Now or never, Weasley. It's go time._

Hermione sighed," you know, Ron, we don't have to have sex _everytime_ we go on a picnic. Why don't we just snog and cuddle? That sounds like more fun right now."

"No, Hermione, I brought pudding. It's butterscotch!" Ron felt his ears go red. He tried to hide his embarrassment by rummaging through the basket for the promised pudding. He quickly ripped off the "Hermione" label before handing her the cup of pudding and then dove into his own, pretending there was nothing amiss.

As Hermione plunged her spoon hungrily into her pudding cup, a patronus that was unmistakably Bill's appeared.

"Fleur's in labor," the patronus said. Without hesitating, the two jumped to their feet and headed to the hospital.


	47. Pudding of DEATH!

At St. Mungo's, a massive group of red head passed through the maternity ward, anxious to meet the latest member of the exponentially growing family.

Hermione, decided to walk the other wards, sick of hearing all the talk about how long Fleur was going to be in labor or which uncle got to hold the boy (or girl) first. Not that she didn't care, Fleur just inconveniently interrupted hers and Ron's lovely picnic. It's not like they get to go on couple outings together all the time. Their schedules practically forbade it.

At that point, Hermione realized she was still holding her cup of butterscotch pudding Ron so caringly made for her…or asked his mum to make it. Most likely the latter. She hastily shoved the pudding in her mouth before a healer asked her to throw it away. As she swallowed the cup's contents, she felt something lodge in her throat. She began to cough and sputter and before she knew it, she was surrounded by healers.


	48. A Not so Private Mistake

Ron was joking around with George and Charlie when a healer came up to the family.

"Which one of you is Ron Weasley?" The healer asked. He had a pained expression on his face. Ron, with a queasy feeling in his gut, raised his hand. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

Ron nodded, "what's this about?"

"Your girlfriend, Hermione Granger?" The healer replied. Ron's face instantly paled and the rest of the family grew deathly quiet.

"Bloody hell, is she alright?"

The healer made a face. This only made Ron's stomach hit the floor. "Well, she's fine now. We found her in the spell damage ward. She…had trouble breathing."

"She was choking? On what?" Mrs. Weasley jumped in. Hermione was like a second daughter to her.

"Well, uh, Mr. Weasley, if I could speak with you in private…," the healer trailed off.

Ron shook his head, "whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of my family." The healer gave a pained look, but knew Ron wouldn't budge in the matter of privacy. He shakily reached into his pocket and held out something enclosed in his hand. Ron held out his hand.

"Better luck next time," the healer said quickly, dropped what was in his hand to Ron's hand and ran to the lift.

Ron stared in horror at the engagement ring sitting in his hand.

"It's a girl!" Bill cried, showing the pink blanketed bundle to his family. No one paid him any attention. They were too busy being mesmerized with Ron.


	49. So Much for Secrets

"And that is why you should never stick engagement rings in food. They will choke and die and it will be all your fault," Ron took a deep breath and looked to his son. Hugo, naturally, started laughing.

"Wow! You choked mum with her own ring and she still married you? That's incredible!"

"I never told her about the ring. In fact, I just pretended it never happened and took her to a really really really nice dinner that she insists on going to for memory's sake on out anniversary. But now, you know the truth. So, Hugo, the moral of the story is: cliché is safe and you will never have to worry about Attie dying. Understand?"

Hugo nodded, "so I should propose to Attie by just plainly asking her?"

"That's right," Ron decided he was old enough to want to take midday naps and conjured a straw hat and fell asleep.

Hugo waited a few minutes to make sure his father was really asleep before heading for the house, "mum, mum! You'll never believe what dad just told me!"

**AN: and thus concludes how Harry and Ron became engaged. Thanks to whoever wanted chapters for their proposals for the idea. **


	50. Naming Kids

Lily Luna Potter nonchalantly walked through the halls of Hogwarts, talking her sweet time in getting to her next class. Because she wasn't really paying attention to what she was doing, she never saw she was on a collision course with a certain blond- haired Ravenclaw.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," Scorpius Malfoy apologized, picking Lily off of the ground.

"That's okay, I wasn't paying attention either," Lily brushed her robes free of school dust. It was unlike home dust. She had to really beat the stuff away. Scorpius just watched her. Of course he knew who she was, but it was rude not to ask her name. At least, that's what his father told him.

"What's your name?"

Lily looked at the blonde, "are you seriously asking me that question? You seriously do not know who I am? Are you from another country or live in a hole or something?"

"Uh, no, I just thought it was rude to automatically call you by your name even though we have not formally met yet," Scorpius was contemplating on just walking away.

"Lily."

"Scorpius Malfoy," Scorpius held out his hand. Lily shook it, but he had a bad feeling about the look on her face.

"Is your name seriously Scorpius? What, were you born in November or something?"

"Late February, actually."

Lily found herself doubled over with laughter, "you're a Pisces and your name is Scorpius? This is too good!"

Scorpius balled his fists with anger, "oh yeah? Well, who names their kid after their dead mother!" The blonde spun on his heel and walked away.

Lily stopped laughing. "That was totally uncalled for," he brother, James said, appearing out of nowhere.

**AN: 50 chapters! I'm hallway there! Anyways, this chapter is compliments of whoever sent me the idea. Thanks! If you have an idea, let me know, I will not turn it down!**


	51. Lobster Boy

"Ginny! There's something wrong with James!" Harry called to his wife. He was standing by the window, looking out at his eldest son who was on the deck, lifting weights. It made no sense to Harry. Why would someone sit in the middle of the sun on the hottest day of the summer in order to lift weights?

Harry looked around but saw no wife to answer his question. He shrugged his shoulders and went outside. As he stood on the deck, he noticed James was on benching 50. For someone who spends their days shirtless on the sunny deck lifting weights, he figured his son would be benching more than 50.

"Son, what are you doing?" Harry asked plainly.

"Pumping iron," James said. He put his weights back and sat up. "I gotta look smoking for the babes."

Harry raised an eyebrow and suppressed a laugh. His son's only hope now was for him to put on his serious dad face. Quickly readjusting his face to express his "serious dad" features, he tackled the problem.

"James the only thing the "babes" will do is melt some butter and tie a bib around their necks.

"Why because I am so delicious looking? James flexed a muscle that was obviously there, but Harry could see it from his position.

"No, because they'll mistake you for a lobster."


	52. The Morning After

James moaned in agony as he walked down the stairs for breakfast. He trudged slowly to the kitchen where he could smell breakfast being made. Waffles. With…blueberries? And chicken sausage. Gross. James hated chicken sausage. Ever since Uncle Ron's cholesterol levels were discovered to be higher than Big Ben, the whole family seemed to be on some sort of health kick. If he wanted chicken for breakfast, he would have it fried with an egg, sandwiched between a biscuit. Pork is the only way to go when it came to breakfast links.

"Mum! James isn't wearing any clothes!" Lily complained as James sat down at the table. "Miranda will be down any minute and she's going to see him wearing no clothes. That's embarrassing!"

"You try wearing clothes with this body!" James snapped back. He poked one of his pectorals and watched it as the skin flashed white and faded back into a deep crimson.

Ginny sighed, reached for the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of burn cream. She set the bottle down in front of her son along with a plate of breakfast. James was way off. Whole wheat blueberry muffins, a bowl of grapes and…pork sausage? James took a bite. No. Turkey. Almost as evil as chicken.

"Mum!" Lily whined.

"At least put a shirt on, James," Harry said from behind his paper.

"I'll just wait for it to tan out," James said, poking at the sausage.

Harry folded his paper and gave James that look. That "I'm about to make a serious point that will be hilarious for everyone but you" look. " James, look at your sister, what color is her hair?"

"Red. Like mum's, and practically everyone else in the family," James answered.

"And that will be the closest color to tan you will ever get. Attempts to tan are futile. Just stop trying, please. For all of us. There are only so many lobster, tomato, and other miscellaneous red objects jokes I can think of."


	53. Laundry Day

"James, give me your dirty clothes," Ginny demanded, poking her head into her son's room. Laundry day at the Potter household was always a chore. Lily had clothes with special washing instructions, Albus couldn't figure out which clothes were clean or dirty, Harry puts dirty clothes in drawers with the clean clothes ("They have about three more days-worth of wearing, Gin!"), and James had to be pestered repeatedly before she even saw a sock from that kid.

"No need, mum. I notice how hard doing laundry is for you, so I decided to make it easier," James answered.

"How?" Ginny had half a mind to call Harry. She had a feeling James was about to saying something that required a comeback from her ever-so-witty husband.

"I cleaned my clothes myself."

"James Sirius Potter! You are not supposed to be using magic outside of school. I don't care if you are going to be 17 in ten months."

"Please, mum, I didn't use magic," James scoffed.

"Then how did you clean all of your clothes?" Ginny put a hand on her hip and stared her son down.

"I scrubbed them clean using my washboard abs!" James lifted up his shirt just enough to show his abs. Ginny paused, finding that she had no response, she turned around and walked away.

"If the washer breaks, you know where to reach me!" James called after his mother. James threw off his shirt and picked up a bottle of self-tanning lotion he bought in Diagon Alley. "Lavender huh?" He read and then shrugged, "I'm game." He put a glob of the lotion in his hand and proceeded to rub the stuff on his body.


	54. Junior's Always Packing

**AN: This idea just popped into my head…I'm not sure why.**

As Lily grew older, it became clear to Harry that she somehow inherited a mutated form of Ginny's inherited Weasley temper. Actually, it came to Harry as an epiphany in the form of a letter from Hogwarts.

Lily walked down the corridors of Hogwarts with the most recent love of her life, Brian, on her side. She wasn't protective of him. Even though his popularity jumped a few notches after winning the quidditch cup for Hufflepuff, she knew he was hers. If only other people saw that.

Brian stooped to tie his shoe. As Lily waited for his fingers to fumble over his laces, Tory decided to stop and talk to him. Obviously trying to make a move when he was at his most vulnerable.

"Hey, Brian. There's a Hogsmede weekend coming up," Tory flashed her eyes and flipped her "man grabbing" hair over her shoulder. "I was thinking you could help me better my flying skills and then we could grab a butterbeer later. What do you think?"

Brian looked up at her and looked over at Lily. His girlfriend's cheeks turned crimson, but as fast as the color came, it was gone. He felt his stomach drop.

"Excuse me," Lily put on her sweetest smile. "I know you're not trying to steal my boyfriend or anything, but it is certainly coming off that way. " Lily then reached into her pocket and flipped open a four-inch switchblade. "Touch my man, I will cut you."

"Where did she get a knife?" Harry wondered out loud as he read the letter for the fifth time.


	55. Hunting Ghosts

Harry had never been an angry person. In fact, he was never angry. When he was, it was because Voldemort was messing with his mind or someone did something very, very,, very, very, very bad. Not even his kids had faced their father's anger to its fullest extent.

Now, as Harry reached his hundredth birthday, his grandchildren found Grandpa Harry was never happy. He just seemed to be bitter all the time.

Cassie was stuck helping her grandfather search the house for dark wizards. According to her mum, Grandpa Harry had become a little paranoid with his age. He thought there was a stray Death Eater hiding in his house and whenever they came over, they had to help him find it, which they never did. Cassie was sick of it. She had a lunch date with her long-time boyfriend soon. She didn't have time to search the house for a nonexistent Death Eater.

"Grandpa, I'm tired of looking for Death Eaters!" Cassie finally shrieked after looking in a sock drawer.

"Well, that's just too damn bad!" Harry spat back. "We are not having tea until this place is Death Eater free. Damn grass mud horse keeps getting away from me! I'll find you! Wherever you are!" Harry shook his fist in the air. Cassie sighed and went to write a letter to her boyfriend.

"Cassie," Harry suddenly said. His voice was softer. Cassie looked at him. "I want to find this Death Eater so that your Grandma Ginny wouldn't have died in vain."

"Quit telling everyone I'm dead!" a voice cried from down the hall.

"Sometimes, I can still hear her voice," Harry sighed.

**AN: this one was a little sad. Sounded much funnier in my head, that's for sure. Leave a review with ideas and all that good stuff.**


	56. Le Gasp!

Hugo navigated his way through the Ministry's Monday morning chaos as fast as he could. Quickly grabbing the last spot in the lift, the Weasley hit the number for the auror office. He was dancing on his feet the whole way there. The lift had to stop on every floor it seemed like. If a body wasn't getting off, a paper plane memo was.

Finally reaching the auror office, Hugo ran off the lift and made a beeline to his father's office. He was pretty sure that he had knocked over some people in his race to his final destination, but he didn't stop, only threw a courtesy sorry over his shoulder.

"Hugo, what's the matter? You look like something terrible has happened," Ron commented as his son ran into his office. Harry looked up as well.

"Nothing's happened," Hugo panted. Too much cardio. "Uncle Harry, you have to come quickly!"

**AN: shocker! Another cliff hanger! I think someone's dead *winkie face.**


	57. Los Patos are Coming!

Harry was already on his feet and so was Ron. "What happened? Is someone hurt, kidnapped, dead?"

Hugo shook his head, "it's about my duck pond!"

Ron rolled his eyes and went back to work, "you really shouldn't storm in here like that and then start talking about a ruddy duck pond, son. I thought something had happened to you or your sister."

"What about mum?" Hugo asked out of pure curiosity.

"She can handle herself. Besides, your mother is just down the hall."

"Why do I need to go to your duck pond that should be renamed because it doesn't have ducks?"

"You'll see!" Hugo chimed, remembering why he went to the auror office to begin with. He and Harry walked to the apparation point and disapparated. Promptly after touching down by the fabled duck pond, Harry noticed a lone duck swimming around, sticking its beak in the water for food and then cleaning his feathers.

"Well, look at that; a duck," Harry sounded impressed. "I guess it is a duck pond."

"That's right!" Hugo puffed his chest out with pride. "I made a duck pond. He's been here for the past two weeks. I've even named him!"

"What's his name?" Harry asked, although he had a feeling what it was going to be.

"Puddles."

**AN: this was for Viva Juanita. Clearly, no deaths, but if you're a little lost (in all reality most of you are) go read the "Hugo" chapter in my story The Wise Words of Harry Potter. It will explain everything. Make sure to leave a review!**


	58. The Fire of Truth

"Alright family," Harry started. "There seems to be a trend of violence right now. Which is why I've called for this meeting." Harry looked around to his three kids and Ginny, who were sitting on pillows around their outdoor fire pit. Of course the fire pit was ablaze, but it was burning for truth and confessions. The drill of a family fire meeting was clear: a question is presented, and according members of the family will confess, roast a marshmallow and eat it, thus accepting their wrongdoing and forever keeping their learned lesson resting in their pancreas. Ginny thought it was a bad idea, but he disagreed.

Harry held up the most recent copy of _Wizard Today_ which showed a picture of James with a knife flipped out. "First a letter from Hogwarts about Lily and now James. What is the meaning of this? And more importantly, where did you learn to knife fight?"

Ginny took to the stage and stood beside her husband. "Now, you kids know I don't normally agree with these ridiculous fire family whatevers, but this is a serious matter. Violence is never the answer. I'm not saying that because technically speaking, the wizarding community is allowed to carry deadly weapons with us where ever we go, fighting is still wrong."

**AN: stay tuned to find out about why James and Lily are getting into knife fights and where Albus fits into all this! **


	59. Shanknotism

"Dad, that—," James started.

"Ap bup bup, are you confessing and/or reflecting on a wrongdoing?" Harry asked his son, holding up a marshmallow skewered, ready for roasting. James rolled his eyes and grabbed the stupid skewer. Harry and Ginny sat down on their respective pillows.

"Ok, that day in Diagon Alley that the stupid paper reported on was about this really evil guy. He was trying to steal this thing from my bag. And then he said he called the Mags a you–know-what. So, I wanted him to know that he just couldn't be a prat and get away with it. I wasn't going to kill him or anything. I was just going to give him a small scratch." James thrust the stick into the fire and then ate his marshmallow.

Lily then took her turn, quickly bouncing up from her pillow and grabbing a marshmallow, "yeah, and Tory was about to steal my man!" She ate the marshmallow without toasting it. The family gasped at her gesture.

"Lily Luna Potter!" Ginny started. She then paused and then shrugged her shoulders. It was hard to pretend that she cared when she really didn't. Although there was one thing she did care about. "James, who is the Mags?"

"My , um, my girlfriend," James said quietly. He forgot his secret relationship was a secret. Well, they know now.

Harry stood up again. He was about to say something when his eyes caught Albus' face. It was lit up like the…well something bright. He couldn't say Fourth of July because they didn't live in the United States. He took a marshmallow, shoved it on a stick. "Albus."

Albus half sighed, half giggled as he knew he was caught. "I was practicing hypnotizing charms in Uncle George's shop and I took a monkey in a fez and vest named Bobo and managed to charm it so that whenever someone wound him up and watched him clang the cymbals together, they would become master ghetto knife fighters. I tested it on James and Lily. I guess it worked." He tossed his marshmallow to the dog. No matter how long he was forced to stand before the fire of truth, he will never regret what he did.

**AN: this was really long for a drabble, but hey, it's worth it. Make sure to review and tell me if it's good, bad, or ugly. And don't forget the suggestions!**


	60. The Most Expensive Dinner

Harry paced the kitchen worriedly. He was wearing his favorite apron (purple with daffodils on it and lace frilly things). Every now and then, he would jump over to the stove and stir the gazpacho, well, he supposed it was soup now. Wait! He could add ice and cool it down, thus making it gazpacho again. Quickly throwing a bucket of ice into the pot, Harry poked his head into the oven pulled out his succulent roast beef along with the baked potatoes.

Looking at the clock, Harry ripped off his apron, revealing his snazzy suite with a leisurely ascot. He checked his image in the mirror. Sexy. He wandered over to the table, making sure it was still set beautifully with a large bouquet of fresh, long stem roses (thorns snipped), the finest of china imported directly from Italy with matching silverware adorned the hand-stitched Indonesian table cloth. Of course, his table scape wasn't complete without the rent-a-chandelier hanging from the ceiling. This night was going to be the most romantic random-romantic-date-night ever! Ginny will be so surprised when she comes back…

~7 hours later~

Ginny stumbled into the house she shared with Harry (a marriage proposal can't be far…). It was about three o'clock in the morning and after a long practice, Ginny enjoyed a girls night out. She knew Harry wouldn't mind. He had been saying lately how she should get out more instead of spending all her time with him. As she crept along the hallway, she made her way to the sitting room where the closet was.


	61. Caught

The light flicked on. Ginny froze as she saw Harry sitting calmly in a chair. He was wearing a very expensive looking suit with a stupid ascot. His eyes were bloodshot, but those were the only signs of fatigue his face showed.

"Where were you?" Harry asked calmly. A chill ran down Ginny's spine.

"I was out with the girls. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I just figured—."

"What? That I wouldn't be sitting here, waiting for you to come home so I could welcome you with open arms and then we can sit down to a romantic dinner and enjoy being not married but living as though we are. Meanwhile, I am sitting here, in my best suit that I just bought, made a romantic dinner of roast beef, baked potatoes, and a gazpacho with cheesecake and sex for dessert, waiting for you to come home so we can have our romantic dinner and enjoy not being married but living as though we are."

Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but found herself speechless. She could see Harry was mad. He had every right to be…right? Right. She had to make things right with Harry. "We could still have that romantic dinner. Roast beef actually sound good right now."

"The cat ate it," Harry said. He stood up and walked up stairs. Ginny watched him go. She hung her coat up in the closet and a thought came to her, "We don't have a cat."

**AN: Just a little thought that came to me. Not that funny, but hey, I've got less than 40 chapters until I've reached my goal! Make sure to leave ideas!**


	62. Waiting

Ginny sat in her squishy chair. Her arms were crossed firmly against her chest and her legs were folded under her. A frown was plastered on her face as she stared ahead. As she sat, there were a million things going through her head. All the things she had to do. The appointment she had at St. Mungos that week. Remembering that one position she was in the previous night so she could sleep in that position every night for the remaining four months of her pregnancy.

Harry chose that moment to walk in from work. He was home early from a mission. One of the perks of being really good at finding dark wizards: extra time off of missions. Which also equaled more time with his wife. When he walked into his home, however, he wasn't greeted by a loving wife. He was greeted by an angry wife sitting in the chair.

"I'm home early Gin, what's the matter?" Harry said cautiously.

"Stupid bananas," Ginny muttered under her breath. She looked up at her husband and smiled, "I'm glad your home early though."

Harry smiled back and went into the kitchen to make tea. The first thing he saw was overly ripe bananas on the floor. "So that's what she's mad about. Her precious bananas were beyond the ripeness of which she liked them. Harry rolled his eyes.

~2 hours later~

Harry plopped back down on the couch with a cup of tea and a piping slice of banana bread. Ginny was still in her pouting position, but as she saw Harry eating the bread, she began to relax. "Where did you get that?"

"I made it."

"Why?"

"So you wouldn't sit there feeling sorry for yourself over ripe bananas." Ginny smiled. Getting Harry to do things for her was only a matter of sitting and pouting for a long period of time.


	63. Nightmares

Albus poked his head out from the brush it was taking refuge in. The ground around him was marshy and the littler dugout he was hiding in more like a pond than a hole in the ground. After hiding there for five days, he was soaked to the bone, shivering cold, and reeked. Not to mention the mud that was oozing from his body. He felt hungry but knew there wasn't any food.

Next to Albus, Harry Potter poked his head out from the refuge. His appearance was very similar to his son's. The only exception was that instead of being soaked with water, he was soaked with mud. The two men climbed out of the mud pond of a ditch and looked around. They looked at each other and then looked up at the sun bearing down on them.

"Look, father, SUN!" Albus cried. HE reached out as though to touch the beams of warmth stretching between the trees.

"Yes, son." Harry looped his arm around Albus' shoulders. "Look at it in all its beauty!" He choked. There were tears in his eyes. He looked over at Albus and as a moment of triumph passed between them, so did the world's largest eagle.

Albus was never seen again.

James woke with a start and half scrambled out of bed. It had been three days since his dad took Albus camping. He scrambled out of bed and ran to his mum's room. For the third night in a row.


	64. The Draft

Ginny was chopping vegetables in the kitchen. It was a dreary spring day. The sky was dark and rainy and the wind howled, making the slight draft coming from the window whistle. Everytime she heard the whistle she cringed a little. Not because the noise was annoying, or that it sent a chill down her spine making her wear a sweater. No. I was because ever since she first moved into the house, _26 years ago_, she's been on Harry about fixing it. Of course, he says "sure thing, babe" and then doesn't do it.

Nevertheless, she could look past it today because her eldest son, James was coming back home from a trip he took with some friends from school. They called it their "last guys trip before they all go off and settle down with work and then a girl" trip. A ridiculously long title, but James always had been on the wordy side. He was also one of the first of his friends to "go off and settle down with work and a girl." Ginny wished they would have just called it a bachelor's trip. Apparently using the words "bachelor" and "trip" made James' muggle fiancée flip out because of some muggle thing called the Hangover.


	65. Super Trooper

"Harry! Would you fix that draft!" Ginny hollered. Dumped the vegetables into the pot and stirred her beef stew. Emily sent a patronous saying she was going to be late for dinner. This made Ginny happy. She could get the juicy details on her son's trip without him censoring himself for the sake of keeping her happy.

"Fine!" Harry roared. It wasn't like he was doing something important like reading an intriguing book on quidditch. He stormed into the kitchen gave his wand a little wave. The draft was suddenly cut off. "Was that so hard? You couldn't do that yourself?" Harry didn't wait for an answer. He was about to stalk off and Ginny was going to shout "thank you" after him, but then the door opened and a group of six men walked in.

They were laughing and joking and a couple of them looked like they spent a lot of time in the sun. James was smiling from ear to ear. It made Ginny feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see her son so happy. After all, that's all a mother wants.

"You boys like Mexico?" Harry asked. There was a chorus of agreement. All at once the six of them tried to tell different stories over each other. Harry laughed and held up his hands, "alright, alright! You can tell us all about it at dinner."


	66. Love Note

Harry stared down the aisle of desks at the back of the familiar head. It had straight blonde hair. Despite climbing down her back, not one single hair fell out of place. It was simply magical.

Every science lesson was distracting to the Potter boy with Charlotte sitting three seats down and one row over. While all the other students were drawing pictures of hearts and building candy cells, Harry was staring at her.

One day, right before recess, Harry pretended to put something in his cubby hole but instead slipped a note into Charlotte's. He skipped happily to the swings and he wasn't even bothered when Dudley came and pushed him off. He was too busy fantasizing about his parents swooping in and taking him home. He and Charlotte will play together all day and his mum would make cookies for them to eat.

After school, Harry couldn't wait to check his cubby. When he saw the neatly folded square of paper sitting on his notebook, his heart soared higher than any kite he had seen in the sky. He suspected Charlotte had answered when she looked back at him during science. With shaking hands, he unfolded the note:

_Do you like me (Harry Potter)?_

_ Yes No (circle one)_

**NEVER EVER!...Freak. ~ Charlotte. **

Harry looked at the letter, feeling his heart shatter. Why did she dot the exclamation points with hearts?


	67. Growing Up Mobster

It may have taken awhile, but Harry had grown to not be surprised by anything when it came to his family. In fact, his motto on life was "if it can go wrong, it will." He had three kids. He loved them to death, but sometimes he couldn't stand them. He loved his wife, but sometimes the fire pit that burned for truth and confession burned for ginge as well.

The middle aged man sat at his desk, combing through work. In the hall he heard the voices of his kids arguing or playing or something. He had given up on distinguishing between the two. As he ran a tired hand through his peppered hair he cried to the ceiling, "is this what my life was supposed to be like nineteen years later? I thought it was supposed to be sugary sweet and happy. Just like Candy land, but _this_, this is HELL!" There was a loud crash out in the hall. Harry stormed out into the hall and looked down. "I'm going to kill someone."

"You need someone taken care of?" Albus said, suddenly showing up beside Harry. Oh Albus, the good child, the perfect child. Not even a hair on his head was out of place, or his clothes. So neatly pressed. His face so calm. Harry beamed down on the only thing good that came out of making babies. "And how do you suppose I do that?"

"_You_ don't have to do anything. Let me take care of this," Albus said with coolness in his voice.

"How can _you_ handle two screaming kids, especially since one is older than you?"

"Who said anything about handling them? I said I was going to have them taken care of."

"How?"

"I know a guy."

At that moment, Harry stopped thinking Albus was the golden child. His soul was as black as the tobacco that dripped from his lungs. But he loved that in Albus. No one likes a golden boy.

**AN: For VivaJuanita. It's not as funny as I thought it would be, but hopefully was at least good. Next chapter will be about Luna. Someone asked for a Luna chapter and so I am making good on my promise to write anything that reviewers suggest!**


	68. Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap

Harry was in trouble…again. This time was about the quilt Ginny made, that he burnt while having father-and-son(s)-fun-with-fire time. As James laid in bed, he was sure that his dad was going to die. His mother was going Hiroshima, 1945 on him. But like every curious six-year old, he couldn't stay in bed. The boy crept out of his room, clad in his beloved froggie slippers with his teddy for companionship.

James knew he was notorious for being a silent night creeper. He lost track of how many times he scared his parents when he went into their room because there was a boggart in his closet, or he had a bad dream. Now, it allowed him to stalk the halls of his house to the kitchen. As he wandered over to the patio door, he could see a small light. The light illuminated a face that could only belong to his mother. At first he thought it she was digging something up, but when he squinted he saw that she was in fact _burying_ something.

James shoved his teddy into his mouth to prevent his screams to wake up the entire house, especially his mother. She would certainly do him in and bury him in the backyard next to his dad. He saw his mum straighten up and dusting off her hands. James ran upstairs and to his room before she knew he saw her. As he hid under the covers, he heard the door creak open and then close shut a minute or so later. It took him awhile, but he managed to fall back asleep.

The next morning, James trudged down the stairs reluctantly. Part of him was scared that his mother will see right through him and then he would be swimming with the fishes, the other part of him was really hungry. He walked over to the kitchen table and sat down. Lily and Albus were already sitting and eating. Ginny put a plate in front of him and tousled his hair.

"Where's daddy?" Lily asked, dripping syrup from her waffle on herself.

Ginny paused. James saw the gears turn in her head, "your dad was called for a mission late last night. He will be gone for a while."

James narrowed his eyes at her. Lies. All lies. He knew the truth though. He will always know the truth.

**AN: This one's a little long. If you're not into the longer chapters, desculpe. Leave a revow!**


	69. Christmas in July

Harry leaned heavily on his front door. He fumbled with his keys before swinging the door open. Missions were usually exhausting, but he didn't expect this one to be life-draining. But now that he was home, he looked forward to the couple of weeks he took off and the wife and kids. First thing was first: sleep.

"Hello!" Harry called. It was only two in the afternoon, yet the house seemed eerily quiet.

"Daddy!" Lily cried from the next room. Her face rounded a corner and she charged straight into Harry's legs. Harry picked her up and swung her around. Sleep could wait a little while longer.

"How are you Lily?"

"Good, but Mummy is not."

"Why not?"

"Because James is crazy," Lilly nodded, looking serious. Harry put her on the ground and opened his mouth to say more, but was stopped short by Ginny walking into the entryway from the study.

"Oh good, you're home!" Ginny looked like she hadn't slept in a few days, if not weeks.

"Yeah, what's this I hear about James?" Harry frowned.

"I don't know! He won't talk to me, look at me or anything since you left! And he told Albus and Lily that you were dead. For the past two weeks, he's refused to leave his room."

Harry's frowned deepened. Of course he wasn't dead. He just went on a three month long mission. Normally, his missions weren't that long, but this one was especially important. "James!"

On cue, Harry heard a door open and the thudding of footsteps down the stairs. James ran around the corner and stopped a few feet from Harry. His eyes grew big like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"James, what has gotten into you since I left?" Harry asked. James, still looking dazed answered, "Mummy killed you and then buried you in the backyard. I saw her do it!"

Harry and Ginny's jaws dropped. Harry always knew he had a vivid imagination, but he never expected his imagination to be passed down to his children. He looked over to Ginny. Her face was pulled into a frown. Not the normal frown she wore. It was more of a frown with a worried twist. Of course, Harry's mission came up at the most inopportune time, but the one thing that bothered Harry was if he wasn't in the backyard, who or what was?

"Those were Christmas presents," Ginny said flatly. James looked at her and then looked to his two siblings then back at his parents. Simultaneously, the Potter family made for the back door. Harry, being the fastest, reached it first and threw the lock in place. As he smiled triumphantly, James, Albus and Lily crawled out through the nearby doggie door and began tearing at the ground James pointed at.

"This is the last time I do my Christmas shopping in the summer," Ginny said, standing by her husband. Harry nodded and looked down to their dog, who was sticking his head out the door.


	70. Welcome Home

Harry was more than elated to go home after his year-long mission. Well, it was more like jumping from country to country to talk about auror stuff. It was supposed to be some sort of movement to get a handle on international dark wizadry. Although Harry enjoyed seeing the world, he missed his family a lot. Not that he had spent an entire year away from his kids. They have all graduated from Hogwarts and making lives for themselves. They kept in close contact through letters, but it wasn't the same as seeing them, having dinner with them, and— in the case of his wife—having sexy time.

There was one thing, however, that he dreaded about going home. Whenever he went on a mission, he would return home to something different. In the past, the changes were as simple as James getting a new bed, or the kitchen being painted to as extreme as Ginny having to redecorate the nursery. Maybe, since he has been gone a year, he didn't own his house anymore because Ginny had dropped subtle hints about downsizing the living space since the kids were gone. Or maybe she put up new curtains….or maybe she missed him so much she bought new underwear and installed that outdoor pizza oven he's been telling his kids would make a great father's day present.

With new found confidence and a mouth drooling for some delicious outdoor over cooked pizza (or perhaps a calzone?), Harry swung open the door. He opened his mouth to shout he was home, but was thrown off by the sight of a baby carrier on the entryway table.

Yep. Harry Potter had been gone too long…


	71. Bundle of Shock

"I'm home," Harry squeaked. He poked the baby carrier to make sure it was real. It was. Harry felt his body move down the hall, but couldn't think of how his legs could move at a time like this. Grandchildren. Yes. That had to be the answer. He was a grandfather…his children weren't married. Then again, they didn't have to be married in order to have kids. Albus would never do something like that, James would in a heartbeat, Lily…he'll cut a man—then run like hell.

"Harry!" Ginny called, racing down the stairs she flung herself into his arms. Harry seemed to have forgotten he had arms let alone arms to hold his wife in. But there he was, hugging his wife. His not-pregnant-and-never-was-in-the-year-he-was-gone wife.

Ginny pulled away from him. Her face was shining. She was going to tell him that he was a grandpappy. "You're in for a surprise! I was just about to get the babies up from their nap. Sorry I didn't mention it in a letter, but I was so surprised that they were here." Ginny pulled Harry's arm in the direction of the stairs.

Harry planted his feet firmly on the ground. "What do you mean ba-_bies_? As in with and 's', plural, more than one?"

"Twins," Ginny whispered with excitement. As Harry was pulled up the stairs he thought to himself "I am never saying good bye to you ever again when I leave on missions. Ever." As the door swung open to the nursery, Harry thought about how many drinks he would need after this. The tally was at a pint of the hard stuff.

There were two cribs on opposite sides of the room. Each one had a baby in it. Harry swallowed hard. Well, this was the result of his love-making, he'll just hold one. Harry stooped over the crib and scooped up the baby. It was a girl. Harry looked down at her and thought back to the first time he held Lily. A small smile played on his lips as he imagined the baby in his arms being that of his special lily pad. Then his special lily pad's head fell off.

Ginny couldn't help but smirk as Harry hit the ground, out cold. He couldn't even see he was holding a fake baby. "That's what happens when you're gone for a year." Kicking the baby out of the way, Ginny grabbed Harry by the legs and dragged the man out of the room and down the hall.

**AN: only…29 more chapters until the end! So excited! Leave a review, and ideas.**


	72. Sink or Swim

**AN: This chapter was inspired by a chapter in some story I read earlier today. I decided to take a more…**_**realistic**_** and absolutely Harry approach to this life lesson. Enjoy!**

Harry sat in a chair on the boat his family rented for the day. As he munched on an egg and onion sandwich—which he would never had eaten in his youth, but as an oldster, he quite enjoyed the taste—the 75-year old Boy Who Lived watched his grandkids play in the water of the lake they were currently floating on. There were nine total. Grandkids, that is. Four for James and his wife, Three for Albus (he's divorced. Still a touchy subject), and two for his Lily pad.

The youngest of the kids was Liz. She was six and belonged to Albus (his paternity to Liz was questionable, but Albus still won custody). She sat next to her grandmother, who braided her hair to distract her from all the fun her whole family was having without her. Liz couldn't swim.

"I want to learn how to swim!" Liz wailed again. "Daddy, why can't you show me how to swim?" Liz looked out to her father (maybe) with a pouting face.

"Sweetie, we talked about this," Albus began. "You are learning to swim. Remember those lessons you're taking? The same lessons your brother and sister took. If you want to join us in the water, put on your floaties and jump in."

"I don't want floaties! I want to swim!" Liz crossed her arms and pounded her foot on the floor of the boat. Her face was red with anger.

Upon hearing this conversation, a wildfire was suddenly ablaze in his chest. He was furious at his son. Lessons? LESSONS? He never paid for his kids to have lessons. He taught his kids how to swim the only way there is to learn.

"C'mon, Liz," Harry stood up and reach his hand out for her to take. "I'll teach you how to swim. It will only take about five minutes." Liz's face lit up and she immediately took her grandfather's hand.

"Dad, NO!" Albus began to swim toward the boat's ladder as fast as he could, but they were a ways out. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his brother stroke briskly ahead of him. James always was a good swimmer. Albus paused and looked up to see his mother sitting as though nothing was wrong. "Mum, do something! Stop him!" He shouted at her. She looked out and shrugged her shoulders. She was just as crazy as his old man.

Meanwhile, Harry led Liz over to the opposite side of the boat. Liz practically danced at his feet. Harry set his sandwich off to the side and drew Liz close. "Now, the key to swimming is to keep you from drowning. Got that?"

"Yes, Grandpa," Liz said politely. "Can we go in the water now so that you can show me how to swim?"  
>Harry grinned, his wrinkles crinkling around his face accordingly, "oh yes. You can go in the water now." He then scooped up the little girl, walked to the edge of the boat and chucked her out into the water. She landed with a splash a few feet out from the boat. Harry Picked up his sandwich and sat back.<p>

"Grandpa!" Liz screamed. "Help! I can't swim!" She was flailing her arms in the air. Water was splashing all over the place and Harry was sure her head went under a few times. "Start swimming, Liz. If you want to live, then get busy swimming!" Harry called out to his youngest grandchild.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw his eldest son swim out toward the splashing child. His attention turned back to Liz. She was nowhere to be found. Harry frowned. Three kids, and seven nieces/nephews and Liz may be the first kid to drown. As he watched James and Albus bob around for the littlest Potter, he felt a panicky fear seize him by the throat. Then his egg and onion threatened to make an encore.

"Are they looking for something?" A small voice said from beside Harry. Harry looked over and jumped, yelping in the process. A dripping wet Liz was standing on the bow of the boat. Ginny was behind her, beaming at her grandchild. Harry spun back around to see James and Albus looking, mouths agape. Liz giggled and then jumped off the boat, swimming around when her head broke through the surface again.

Harry shook his scared face off in exchange for one of arrogance. "See boys? There is only ONE way to learn how to swim.

**AN: make sure you review!**


	73. Girl Problems

"Dad, I have girl problems."

Harry looked up from his work at his daughter. Standing the way she did, she looked just like his wife at seventeen. However, Lily stopping by to talk about "girl problems" baffled Harry. This fact aside, he was a man, ergo not equipped with the tools of handling "girl problems". "Your mother is down the hall."

"But I want to talk to _you _about my girl problems," Lily whined. Harry rolled his eyes and sighed deeply. How could he say no? Lilly smiled, having known the man had caved and plopped down on one of the chairs.

"So, Kylie is having a party on Friday and she invited me. I was going to go, but then Tory told me she wanted me to go so that she can rub it in my face that she was with Joe— you know the guy I really like and dated for, like, a year. So, I thought about going with Connor because Sarah told Chloe, who told Valery in the girl's bathroom one day—I was in one of the stalls—that Kylie was still kinda into Connor since they dated for , like, ever you know even though she's with Joe. She would be super jealous and then Joe would break up with her. Except for Tory would be super mad with me because Joe and she are, like, BFFFs and she would call me a bitch for using him. They're like that with each other. Now, normally, I would just not go, but then Kylie would know then that I heard Joe was there with her and was too upset to go."

Harry's jaw hung hinged on his joint. Is this considered a normal problem for people aged seventeen? When he was seventeen, he was wondering whether or not he was going to be murdered at night, or the people he loved would be murdered at night…with an axe. Still, he should adapt and embrace the modern day problems of modern day teens…like Lily.

"What's your problem?" Harry asked. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Should or shouldn't I go to Kylie's party on Friday?"

"No."

"Why not? I mean, she's going to tell _everyone_ that I didn't go because I wasn't over Joe and I am _so_ over Joe. And then my reputation is ruined. Ruined!"

"FOR HELL'S SAKE LILY, THROW YOUR OWN PARTY DAMNIT!" Harry couldn't take the pettiness anymore. Harry looked at his daughter. Her face was filled with shock.

"I can throw a party? Thank you dad!" Lily squealed and hopped over to give her father a hug before hopping out of the office.

"Oh Merlin," Harry sighed.


	74. Show Me Your Farm

James lay on the couch. He stared intently at the fireplace. Normally, he would have been complaining about how boring summer was, but James Potter was deep in thought.

The fireplace erupted with green flames. As Ginny emerged from the fireplace, she turned her head sideways to look at her son.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"Mum, why aren't we muggles?" James pondered out loud.

Ginny paused, frowning. Normally, James asked questions like "if you were to take a tomato bath, would your pee smell tomato-ey?" She knew there was more to this simple question.

"Because we're wizards. That's just how we were born. Why do you ask? I thought you were going to be at Larson's."

"I was," James answered. "We were watching some muggle films for Muggle Studies. After the last film, I decided I wanted to be a muggle."

"Why?" Ginny narrowed her eyes. The punch line was coming.

James looked over at his mother. Oh, how naïve his mother was. "Because I want to be a famer."

"You can be a farming wizard," Ginny was growing impatient. She had dinner to make.

"Not for the farmer I want to be."

"And what kind of farmer do you want to be?"

"A lead farmer."

**AN: If you found chapter 73 a little on the dull side, hopefully this tickled your funny bone. Leave a review! Almost ¾ of the way done!**


	75. After the Battle

Harry walked around the smoldering ruins that were once his beloved school. The place he felt most at home (aside from the Burrow that is). As thus sun broke over the treetops of the Forbidden Forest, Harry marveled at the hell that was the previous night. People dying, people injured, people dying, Death Eaters running away, people dying, Voldemort casted into a well-deserved oblivion (that was actually a plus), and people dying.

Harry milled aimlessly through the halls. In the Great Hall, everyone was clapping him on the back, congratulating him (on not dying?), and crying over how he saved them all. Yet, despite the events that unfolded, there was only one thing on his mind—

"Hi Harry," Ginny said. Harry jumped. Damn! This girl appeared out of nowhere! How does she do that?

"Hi…Ginny, what are you doing here?" Harry stammered. Guilt's a cold-hearted bitch that needs to be thrown to the cannibalistic centaurs.

"I figured you were somewhere feeling sorry for yourself and I decided to find you to tell you to get over yourself. It's not your fault that all these people, like Collin, and Tonks and Remus and your parents—well, they actually _did_ die for you— and Sirius and Dumbledore and Snape, oh and my brother Fred is dead. You're not that special. Just because everyone you touch dies, doesn't mean the world revolves around you. Honestly. No one cares that people are dead. People die everyday. What's a few more? You know what I'm saying?"

Harry gave Ginny a funny look. "You know Ginny, I wasn't thinking about all of the people who died and the war and all that jazz."

"You weren't?"

"No, but now that you mention it, thanks for making me feel like shit!" Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "Damnit woman! I have no idea what exactly it was that I saw in you."

"Don't kid yourself, Harry," Ginny pulled her fiery hair into a simple bun. "You know you're going to marry me and we're going to live in our suburban house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. "

"Yeah, I know."

"So, if you weren't thinking about the war, what were you thinking about?" Ginny asked after a few minutes of awkward silence. An evil grin passed Harry's face.


	76. Cueball

Ginny clutched Harry's middle. She was convinced she was about to die and Harry was going to kill her. Although she loved Fred to death, she had no intention of joining him anytime soon.

Harry and Ginny sat on a simple sled, teetering precariously on the edge of a large flight of stairs somewhere in the castle. Ginny saw the look on her boyfriend's (ex?) face. His eyes were wild with anticipation. She would let go and remove herself from the perils of the sled, but fear had paralyzed her to the spot.

"Harry, let's rethink this now," Ginny stammered. "Suicide is not an acceptable form of death in the Western World."

"What are you talking about Ginny?" Harry laughed. "No one dies in this story; they just get really big booboos." With that, Harry shoved his body weight forward and the sled began its descent down the stairs.

As the sled accumulated momentum, Ginny started screaming, squeezing Harry tighter. The sled was airborne only to land on more stairs with a spine-shattering crack. Harry steered the sled like a captain at the helm of his ship, navigating through a tumultuous storm on the high seas. He was laughing harder than he had…ever.

The adrenaline high came to an abrupt end when the sled hit a patch of debris and sent Harry and Ginny flying out of the sled, tumbling down a couple of steps, and landing on the school crest in the middle of the Great Hall.

Harry immediately jumped to his feet. He punched the air while hooting and hollering. He then ran around the hall with his arms in the air. Ginny pulled her battered body up and limped over to her family. Her mother greeted her with a hug, but her face was creased with worry as she, the Weasley family, and the rest of the patrons stared at Harry as he picked the sled up and threw it down on the ground. He was still shouting nonsense.

Harry took a deep breath and looked over at the Wizarding World. Their faces were all the same: wide-eyed with a hint of terror. Harry looked from face to face and said the only words his brain had managed to concoct into a sentence. "I'm the law, bitches!"

**AN: Less than 25 chapters left! Leave a review!**


	77. Most Important Meal of the Day

Ever since Harry was allowed to go out to dinner one time with the Dursleys, buffets had put him out of his appetite. He had read in one of his cousin's plentiful fountain of unused knowledge (books), that the stomach expands up to double its size. He never thought 'double its size' meant Dudley packing away close to twenty pounds worth of food. The only section of the buffet Dudley didn't leave looking like Hurricane Dudley was the salad bar.

Now, 15 years later, twenty year-old Harry found himself once again in the walls of the dreaded buffet. It was Hermione's suggestion for the restaurant for lunch. Harry felt nauseous just thinking about Dudley shoving mouthful after mouthful of food into his mouth. However, today was a different story. Harry had devoured through the salad, meat, and sides bar. The only obstacle to conquer in the restaurant left was the dessert bar.

"Hey!" Harry cried, interrupting whatever conversation Ron and Hermione were having. The couple stopped and looked at their friend, slightly alarmed. "You guys are great!" Harry finished his thought through a mouth full of food. They nodded politely and went back to their conversation.

Harry wasn't sure how they did it. Hermione was eating only a salad and small bowl of soup and Ron, a sandwich with some crisps. Harry was starving. Maybe these things took practice. Merlin knows how much practice his two best friends had with this sort of thing. But for a beginner like Harry, he felt he was never going to repeat the same mistake twice.

Sex was not an adequate breakfast.


	78. DIVORCE, DIVORCE!

Ginny hummed to herself as she scribbled notes in her journal. Her 20th wedding anniversary was in a month and they were throwing a huge party. Although Harry wasn't comfortable with the idea of drawing attention to his family, especially since the press had just started to leave them alone, Ginny had the feeling he was equally excited to reach the 20 year mile marker.

"Hey you," Harry said from behind. Ginny turned around on her stool to see her husband sauntering into the kitchen. "What are you up to?"

Ginny stood up and walked straight into his arms, draping her arms around his neck. "I was just making plans for our anniversary party." She leaned in for a kiss. "However, we can take this conversation upstairs if you like."

Harry smiled, "Yes, I would very much like to take this conversation upstairs, but first, I need you to sign something." Harry showed his wife the folded bundle of papers he held in his hand.

"Okay, what is it?" Ginny frowned, but grabbed a quill anyways.

"Just some technical stuff," Harry said. He unfolded the stack of papers and walked Ginny through her signatures, "sign here, here, initial here, and this clause here, and sign at the bottom. Perfect! Let's go upstairs!" Harry grabbed Ginny's hand and they ran up the stairs.

***Some time later***

"So what was it that I was signing?" Ginny called from the bathroom. She poked her head out to Harry pulling his shirt over his head. Harry grabbed his pants before answering, "Divorce papers."

"What?" Ginny felt her heart stop. "Divorce papers? You're divorcing me?"

"Yep." Harry looked at her, a smile on his face. Ginny exploded.

"Let me get this straight: you had me sign divorce papers, had sex with me, and you're okay with that? Our 20th wedding anniversary is next month! You think you can play with my emotions like that! Fine! You're a lousy husband anyways! Now get out.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and left.


	79. Bed Ridden

Ginny poked her head out from underneath the covers. The sun was peeking through the curtains, greeting her to a new day. If only she felt like greeting it. She was a single woman again and it sucked royal hippogriffs. Ginny buried her face into her pillow, fighting the tears that were stinging her eyes. How could he do this to her? Just divorcer her as though they were married at a drive-thru window in Vegas 24 hours ago?

A quick glance at the calendar told her how many days she has refused to leave bed in her depression. It had been a solid week. A week and she was still lying in bed wallowing in freakish misery. In her opinion, she had just been divorced and had a right to be depressed in her own way. That way was refusing to leave bed for as long as it took to get over Harry.

She was going to die in her bed. Might as well bust out the chunky monkey and do something productive like consume the most gallons of ice cream in a lifetime.


	80. Father's Tricks

Harry picked up his four month-old son from his play pen and cradled him to his chest. The infant yawned and drifted off to sleep. Harry beamed down at the chubby ball of cuteness snoozing in his arms. He carried the little tike up to his crib and put him down for the night. Once he cranked the mobile into motion, Harry crept out of the room.

"James asleep?" Ginny mumbled sleepily from somewhere under the covers.

"Yep," Harry pulled his clothes off and crawled into bed. Sleep found him fast and Harry welcomed it eagerly. This may be the only night he will have for a while where he will be able to sleep without being disturbed.

The next morning Harry trudged downstairs and made a beeline to the coffeepot. He noticed Ginny was in the kitchen feeding James, but he never acknowledged anyone's presence until he has had at least half a cup of the good stuff.

"You know, James didn't cry once last night," Ginny said offhanded as Harry drank his coffee. Harry knew she was hinting at something. After being married to the same woman for some five years, he learned how to read such indications.

"Well, Ginny, that's what happens when I put babies down. They sleep all through the night, no tossing no turning." Harry stared down into his coffee. It was missing something. He snapped his fingers in memory: "Vodka!"

**AN: There has been some confusion, which is why I temporarily took the chapter down and reposted with this footnote. This chapter is PRIOR to the divorce stuff and this was clearly when James was first born. Don't worry, there will be a conclusion to the divorce…eventually.**


	81. Furby

Lily smoothed down the artificial fur on her birthday present from her grandfather. She wasn't sure where he got it, but he was certain it was demented. He told her it was called a Furby and muggles play with them all the time, but when she asked her dad, he smiled at her and said "it was a 90s thing."

When Lily turned the thing on, it made noises and commented on things she said to it. For a full four hours she adored it. Now that she wanted to sleep, she couldn't stand it.

"Fuuuurrrrrrrrbbbbbbyyyyyyyyy!" the toy said. Lily covered her head with her pillow and kicked the wall in response to James's poundings.

After the blasted toy said something else, Lily threw open the battery pack and tore out the batteries. She then tossed the object across the room and rolled over. Now that the one thing keeping her awake was silence, the six year-old drifted off to sleep.

Lily's eyes fluttered open. Light streamed through the window, signaling a new day. Lily jumped up from bed and rushed downstairs. Her mum had promised blueberry pancakes for breakfast, Lily's favorite. She didn't notice her Furby wasn't in the corner she chucked it in the previous night.


	82. Breakfast is Served

The first unsettling feeling in her stomach came when she was midway down the stairs. The wafting smell of pancakes had yet to reach her nostrils. Frowning, she crept down the remaining stairs. Her breath was shallow as she rounded the corner, entering the kitchen.

The first thing Lily noticed was the coffee pot full of coffee. Lily crept into the kitchen only to find her parents, lying on the ground. Blood flowed out from the tops of their heads, which were missing, along with their brains.

Lily screamed hysterically and ran back up the stairs to tell James (At the prime age of six, Harry had already pounded an emergency procedure into her head that started with alerting the oldest, AKA James). She burst into her eldest brother's room crying and screaming at him what she saw downstairs. When she noticed the boy had yet to move from his place under the covers, she pulled the covers back. James's head was in the same state as Harry and Ginny's.

Too shocked to scream again, Lily backed out of her brother's room. She walked down the hall to Albus's room, shaking the whole way. Tears streamed down her face as she wondered how she could have slept through such a violent attack. When she approached Albus's room, she heard noises and with a new rush of hope, Lily dashed into the room, but immediately froze at what she saw.

Her brother lay on the floor, his mouth opening and closing, but only in reflex. Standing just over the gouged open top of his skull was Furby. Blood caused the once smoothed down fur to clot and clump off into sections. Its animatronic eyes blinked at Lily and its once yellow beak mashed together the vaporous mousse of brains that now hung out of Albus's skull.

Lily's chest tightened with fear. Pain shot up her chest to let her know she had stopped breathing. Her legs were telling her to run to the fireplace, to floo Uncle Ron (as emergency procedure called for), but her feet were rooted to the spot.

The Furby finished chomping and paused. Its eyes fixated on Lily and it opened its mouth to speak, "!"

**AN: love those Furbies! Just a little dose of horror on this May Day. Make sure to be on the look-out for the exciting conclusion of this cluster of chapters! And because I haven't thrown this in for several chapters: I don't own HP or its characters, I just entertain myself with them. Also, an additional disclaimer must be given to the description of Albus's brains. I got that from the book "Who Will Run the Frog Hospital?" As always, leave a review!**


	83. Demon

**AN: Just a little note on the confusion that was my chapters being messed up to the point where I was forced to take down three chapters and repost them. Anyways, without further ado, the gripping conclusion of the Furby Triliogy!**

Lily clamped her eyes shut and started screaming. Her screeches pierced the very core of her ears. She jerked her body around and felt herself falling. Her eyes shot open just as she felt herself hit the ground. Looking around frantically, she noticed she was back in her room. Her blankets were twisted around her and the thudding of footsteps down the hall replaced the scream in her ears.

Lily was sitting up right as the door to her room was thrown open and her parents leapt into the room. She held her arms out to her mother and began crying as her father began to circle the room, wand at the ready.

"I had a nightmare," Lily sniffed. Ginny rocked her daughter soothingly until her cries subsided.

"What was you nightmare about?" Harry asked, convinced the room held no danger to his youngest child.

"Furby ate everyone's brains out."

Harry and Ginny looked at each other, exchanging looks. "Where is Furby?" Ginny finally said, "Maybe it's best if we just toss him in the attic."

Lily looked in the direction of the corner where she tossed him. He wasn't there. Lily looked around and jumped when she saw him right next to her pillow. "He wasn't there when I fell asleep!"

Ginny picked up the toy and looked underneath it. "It doesn't have batteries, honey. It can't make any noises."

"" The toy wailed. Cringing, Harry grabbed the creature.

"This thing has got to go," he gave his wand a flick and Furby blew up. For extra security precautions, Harry melted down the pieces and shipped the melted goop to China.

Mysterious deaths began two weeks later in China.


	84. Boxes and not of Kleenex

Ginny trudged out of her bathroom and looked out to the master room door. After two months of living in her room, she decided her heart was partially fixed enough for her to leave its confines. Ginny disappeared back into the bathroom to shower. After showering, she stepped down the hall, making a beeline for the kitchen. She had hardly eaten anything since her divorce and now the smell of food made her light-headed with the lack of nutrients.

Fear clutched her chest as the thought of sitting down with Harry for the first time wrapped itself around her brain. Ginny told herself that she could sit down with her ex-husband and eat a meal with him. No big deal. She had been living with the bloke for the past two months. As Ginny descended the stairs, she noticed her eldest son standing over a box.

"James, what are you doing?" Ginny asked. James jumped, spinning around to see his mother standing not too far from him.

"Uh, um…Dad asked me to start packing things up. It's nice to see you've finally left bed, mum." James smiled at her encouragingly. His mother had seen better days.

"Pack?" Ginny frowned, "Why is he asking you to start packing things up?"

"Mum! You're out of bed!" Lily cheered, coming from the kitchen. She gave her mother a hug. Ginny remembered then that in the two months that had passed, Lily had come home from school. Guilt dug a new home into her soul as Ginny realized in her two month absence, she forgot about her children.

"Are you making something dear?" Ginny asked, putting the question she had asked James out of her mind. She couldn't bear the thought that Harry was moving out. As long as she stayed in bed, she could pretend they were still married. In fact, when Harry brought her something to eat, she would imagine she was on bed rest and Harry was doting on her every hand and foot, like he did when she was on bed rest with Albus.

Lily's smile faded a little. She was always a little more sensitive than James was. He got it from his father. "Actually, no. Dad boxed up the kitchen this morning. We ordered pizza. He asked me to take some up to you before he…left.

Ginny nodded. She walked into the kitchen to see the piles of boxes stacked up in the corners. She took a quick look at the two slices on the plate, all ready to be delivered to her. Another dagger pierced her soul. Harry was leaving.

And he was taking everything with him.

**AN: Poor Ginny. Oh well, what can you do? Anyways, don't forget to leave a review!**


	85. Mummy Dearest

**AN: Since tomorrow is mother's day and all, I might as well make a chapter about it. **

Ginny's ears perked up to the sound of glasses clinking and children giggling. She turned toward the opposite end of the bed where Harry should have been but found it empty. Grumbling, Ginny stuffed her head under her pillow to dull the noises that were her kids being loud. Was it too hard to ask for a little bit of sleep every now and then?

The door to the bedroom opened and the giggling bordered laughter. Ginny finally lifted her head to see her kids' smiling faces and Harry holding a tray of breakfast. There were three oddly-shaped pancakes, half-burnt eggs, and a muffin, a bowl of fruit with coffee and orange juice to drink.

"Happy mum's day," Lily, James and Albus cheered in broken unison. Ginny smiled and pulled the three of them into a bear hug. Harry set the tray on the bedside table to give her a kiss.

"The kids made breakfast for you," Harry said. "I just made sure they didn't get hurt in the process."

Ginny beamed at her children and tucked into the breakfast she was so lovingly made. The eggs were hard to swallow and were in desperate need of some ketchup. Eventually she just focused on the muffin (not cooked all the way), pancakes (clumpy), and fruit (the only thing edible).

Because Harry ushered the kids outside so that mummy could eat her delicious breakfast in bed, when Ginny had finished, she returned the try downstairs. As she reflected her less than stellar breakfast, she realized why Harry sent the kids outside. He knew the food would be hard to swallow. At least she could dispose of the evidence and feign its deliciousness.

Walking into the kitchen, Ginny felt as though she had just walked in on ground zero. The kitchen was an absolute mess. There were eggs in the coffee pot, milk dripping off the counter, and—after feeling something dripping on her head—pancake batter on the ceiling. "Happy mother's day, Ginny," the woman grumbled to herself. After a moment's thinking, Ginny concluded she wasn't going to deal with the kitchen. She set the tray by the overflowing sink and marched outside.

"Harry!" Ginny called. Harry looked up from his crouching position in the sand box. Ginny pointed to the kitchen, "clean up this mess!"


	86. After the Reception

"You know, Harry, I've always wondered what my name would be if I was born a boy," Ginny commented. The two were sitting at their table, sharing a piece of wedding cake. Around them, a few remained dancing to imaginary music while the reception staff cleaned up.

"Why is that?" Harry stole a forkful of cake and untied his bow tie. Even though the slice was large, Ginny was devouring most of it.

"I don't know. I just think about it sometimes. Now especially since I'm pregnant," Ginny whispered the last bit because no one in her family knew their big news. According to Harry's plan, they would move the wedding up (check) and go on a month long honeymoon. When they return from for weeks of newlywed bliss, they would announce that their trip was cut short because Ginny was expecting to pop out a little Potter. People would rejoice and no one would ever think to count. Ginny didn't think the plan will work because her now husband had a talent for making plans that fail, but she went along with it anyway.

"Well, I think if I were a girl my name would be…Lacy," Harry mused.

"Lacy? Why not Harriet?"

"Because Ginny, my parents loved me. They wouldn't give me and abominable name such as Harriet. That's a name you give to a kid whom you thought was a boy, but popped out a girl and at the last minute you had to girlify the name you picked from the boy baby names book." Harry shot back the last of his bubbly. "What about you? Do you think your parents would name you Gerry, with a 'g'?"

Ginny made a face, "I see your point." She looked down at the half-eaten slice and a thought occurred to her: "Harry, what should we name our kid if it's a boy or a girl?"

Harry twisted his face up in his practiced "thinking" pose. "I have seven more months to think about this. Ask me again when you go into labor. That should be enough procrastination to get my gears turning." Ginny smiled and rested her head on his shoulder. Together they watched the reception staff clear the entire room. Ginny decided they were going to stay there all night, dreaming of all the possible physical features their baby was going to have.

"Uh, excuse me," one of the reception staff members approached the table. "We've got a funeral party here in about twenty minutes, so you guys need to leave."

"Funeral party, huh?" Harry rubbed his chin, "Eh. Why not? I haven't been to a funeral in a while. We could liven up the joint. Besides, I'm not nearly as drunk as I planned on being and George ain't cheatin' me out of twenty-five galleons. What do you say Wife?"

"I'll drink to that!" Ginny cheered, "Just so long as it's a non-alcoholic beverage."

**AN: Just a sweet little snippet from the wedding. I had yet to do a chapter on this. Also, I am temporarily changing the genre for grins and giggles and mockery of a reviewer, and I'm down grading the rating. Those are the announcements and make sure you leave a review!**


	87. Inner Child

Harry Potter was named Head Auror three days before Halloween. Instead of having a formal inaugural dinner like Head Aurors of the past, he decided it was going to be a costume party. But not just any costume part, no, this was going to be a themed costume party. The theme: superheroes. Harry felt his inner child screaming in his soul, clawing its way to the surface as he announced his Halloween costume themed inaugural party. His announcement was met with funny faces and mumblings. Harry skipped back to his new office. It was large and in charge. Just like him.

Because all three of his kids oddly fell ill with some infectious disease, Harry and Ginny was the last people to arrive at the banquet. Harry was dressed as the tried and true Batman and Ginny was his morning bird, Robin.

"Harry, I feel stupid," Ginny said right before they walked in. Harry kissed her on the cheek before replying.

"Don't worry, Ginny. Everyone's going to look and feel stupid. I feel awesome!" Harry grabbed his wife's hand and practically dragged her into the banquet room.

Stopping short of the doorway, Harry froze. All the auror office, plus Kingsley and a few other Ministry officials were present. As were their children. The aurors were dressed in their dress robes and all the kids were dressed to the theme of super heroes. Harry saw a Batman double as well as every other super hero in the book.

"I'll see you at home," Ginny said shortly before disappearing. Harry didn't bother go after her. He looked out at the crowd, then down at his costume. As he felt a heated blush reach into his face, he dug down deep within himself and punched his inner child in the stomach.


	88. Name Morphing

Draco Malfoy power walked through the halls of the auror office. He was looking for one in particular. As he continued down the hall, Draco felt the back of his neck grow red as his ears caught traces of the whispering the aurors were making. He felt their eyes on him, following him all the way to the door labeled "Harry Potter and Ron Weasley." The blonde raised a fist to knock, but not before taking a moment to breathe. This was the last place he wanted to be.

After being granted permission to enter, Draco slipped in the door and shut it quickly. He ignored the weird looks the two men were giving him.

"Weasley, out!" Draco snapped. Ron looked taken aback.

"Excuse me, you are in _my _office. You get out."

"I've got something to say to Potter."

"Whatever you have to say to him, you can say in front of me," Ron crossed his arms. Harry looked between Ron and Draco. He lingered a little more on Draco, studying his body language. Whatever he had to say was probably embarrassing. He wondered what exactly the man had to say that he couldn't say in front of Ron. He was going to have to play Malfoy's rules if he wanted to find out.

"It's fine, Ron. I'm sure this won't take long," Harry said nonchalantly. Ron narrowed his eyes at Malfoy before standing up and leaving the room. Once Draco was certain he was gone and not just standing by the closed door, ear pressed to the wood, he broke into his dilemma.

"Potter, I'm sure you can remember the little prank our wives pulled on us a couple weeks ago?"

"Yes, why do you bring it up? If I remember correctly, you said that if I so much as whispered it to Ron or Hermione, I was dead. At this point in time in my life, I take such threats seriously," Harry replied calmly.

"Well obviously you didn't take it seriously enough because people in this ministry are now referring to us as 'Drarry'." Draco crossed his arms in front of his chest and watched Harry's frown turn into recognition. Then he watched in dismay as Harry threw his head back and started laughing. It was almost musical.

"You think they are calling us—"

"No. There is no us. No we. Just me. And you. Separate people," Draco felt his eyes bulge out of his head a little. He could only imagine what people were thinking they were doing.

Harry dimmed his laughter down to a chuckle before answering the blonde man's question, "Malfoy, they are not referring to that amusing trick our wives pulled, but to the New Year's party I had the following week. I got a little smashed. Okay, a lotta smashed so they called me Drarry because I was drunk."

"So they _don't_ know about that thing that happened?" Draco felt relief rush over him.

"No, but call me curious…"

"What?"

"What would you do if I told you I loved you?" Harry had a devilish grin on his face. Malfoy felt the color drain from his face. He wasn't sure how he returned to his office, but he suddenly found himself sitting in his comfy swivel chair. After looking at the stack of papers in his desk, he called in sick and left.

**AN: A little longer chapter, but I had to get it all in one go. Make sure to leave a review and all that jazz. **


	89. Unlikely Fears

Luna patted Harry on the back while handing him a cup of tea. "It's okay, Harry. No one expects you to be fearless." The blonde girl looked out to the green pastures and watched as a horse galloped across it.

Harry glanced over his shoulder and put his head back down on the table, wallowing in the events that unfolded a couple hours previous.

******A couple hours previous******

Harry and Ginny met up with Luna at a horse stable. Harry promised to take Ginny horseback riding one day and since Luna just happened to (randomly) have horses, a date was set. Ginny had always loved horses, it was her patronous after all, and now she was finally going to ride one with her fiancée.

Luna had three of her four horses out of the stable, saddled up and ready to go. Excitedly, the three strapped on their helmets and mounted the animals. They didn't need a lesson in mounting a horse, after the thestrals, a horse was no problem. Luna did, however, show them how to steer a horse, make it speed up and slow down.

Not five minutes into their ride, Ginny noticed Harry was missing. She and Luna looked back to find him barely trudging along on his horse.

"You know, he probably wants you to join him," Luna offered. Ginny smirked to herself, and turned around. The closer she got to Harry, the more her smirk turned into a frown. His face was white, the same white his knuckles were showing on the reins. His teeth were clenched, but the horse was barely moving. In fact, the horse was at a standstill. He would take a couple steps and then Harry would pull back on the reins.

"Harry, are you okay?" Ginny asked politely. Harry looked over at her and then down at the horse. "I don't like horses, Gin. Not one bit."

"It's not that bad, Harry! It's like riding a thestral. You rode that without problems."

"Horses are NOT like thestrals. Thestrals drink blood when it's around. Horses stomp on your head when you fall off of them!" The horse took a few more steps, but Harry pulled back, bringing the horse to a standstill once more.

Ginny rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the giggle in her throat. Harry glared at her, but appreciated that she wasn't leaving him in the dust. Unfortunately for Harry, a squirrel decided to run across one of his horse's hooves. Needless to say, the horse took off running and there was nothing the Boy-Who-Lived could do.

By the time Luna and Ginny were able to catch the horse and calm him down, Harry was whimpering, sobbing, and holding on for dear life.

"Come on Harry, why don't you get down and we'll walk back," Luna suggested, holding the horse's reins to prevent it from moving, but Harry shook his head vigorously. Ginny leaned over on her horse and gave her fiancée a one-armed hug. She then turned to her friend, "You got this?" Luna nodded and Ginny turned around on her horse and sent the animal into a vigorous gallop.

"Wait! Ginny, come back!" Harry cried. This made his horse to start following Ginny's horse. "No, stop, don't move!" Harry shook with fear as Luna walked behind the horse, reins at hand in the direction of the stables.

**AN: Someone a long time ago asked for a Luna chapter. So, here it is! Long, I know. Review!**


	90. Of Pigeons and Military School

"Congratulations, Albus!" Ginny cheered, hugging her son. It was Hogwarts letter day and fifth-year Albus happened to have a prefect's badge in his letter. Before the pin could fall into his hand, Lily snatched it up and went running through the house yelling, "Al's a prefect!"

Albus, being the humble soul he was, just smiled and thanked his mum.

"Hey Al, now you can get me out of trouble!" James nudged his brother.

"No, he will not," Harry said sternly from behind his paper. "But on that note, James," Harry pulled out a letter from his pocket and handed it to his eldest son.

James took the note and looked at it. His smile fell into a frown. "Dad, what's this? Military school?"

"One more letter from school and it's floor scrubbing with toothbrushes for you." Jam3es gulped. The brochure didn't look promising in the fun department.

"Harry, don't bring that up. We need to celebrate," Ginny grabbed the letter from James and tossed it on the counter. She gave Abus an extra hug and sat next to him.

"Al, your father and I want to get you something for being named prefect. Just name it.

"I want my own owl," Albus blurted out. He had been dying to ask for one, but didn't want James on his back about his letters to Kylie. He had to resort to a secret code recently.

Ginny smiled and nodded. "Okay, we'll get you an owl when we go into Diagon Alley next week.

"Way ahead of you there, Gin," Harry stood up and went out into the backyard. When he returned, he was carrying a cage. Albus lit up and immediately grabbed the cage just as his father was handing it over to him. Throwing off the cover to see what type of owl his dad had bought for him, the fifteen year-old boy was stunned at what was in the cage.

"It's a pigeon," Albus looked at the bird with a hint of disgust.

"It's not just any pigeon," Harry exclaimed. "It's a World War II veteran messenger pigeon!" Albus looked at the pigeon with disgust. "I want an owl, not a stupid messenger pigeon. I mean, come on dad, everyone will laugh at me!"

"Al, you're being ungrateful. Did you even ask what his name was?"

Al rolled his eyes, "fine, what is his name?"

"Fitzgerald. After the author."

"Does Fitzgerald come with a return policy?" Albus asked flatly. He had never been a defiant child, but those were his pre-Kylie days. Now in the Kylie days, he wanted what he wanted and he wanted an owl to call his own.

Harry crossed his arms. A scowl formed on his face. It didn't last long (like most scowls on Harry's face) and just when his look of anger started to waiver, he turned to Ginny, the angry pants of the family. Ginny just looked at him blankly. She was on Al's side.

"This is a war hero. He deserves respect," Harry frowned. As if on cue, Fitzgerald swayed in his cage and then fell to the bottom, his legs sticking up rigidly.

The family stared at the pigeon, waiting, hoping it would move. Albus was the first to speak: "Can I have an owl now?" Harry nodded.

**AN: The final stretch! Only nine more chapters until the end! Woot woot!**


	91. Dreamervention

Harry walked around his old home in Gordric's Hollow. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't live there. But who could blame him? No one wants to live in the same house where their parents were mirthlessly murdered. He was just there to reminisce.

"Son, have a seat. We need to talk," a voice said from behind him. Harry spun around to see where the mysterious voice came from. Standing behind him were his parents. He felt sad for a second because he couldn't even recognize his father's own voice. Maybe if he hadn't died…. Because a visit from his dead parents was a rarity (and when I say rarity, I mean never), Harry did as he was told.

"Hi mum, dad. How's death?" Harry asked, not sure how to make small talk with his parents.

"It's great…unless your son, the only child you're ever going to have, the last of kin in your entire family, is screwing up his life. Then, it sucks royal hippogriffs," James said solemnly. Lily shot him a look and sat next to Harry. James took Harry's other side. Harry briefly thought of that Stealer's Wheel song.

"How am I screwing up my life? And I'm not the last of kin for the family, I have two sons," Harry pointed out.

"Why did you divorce Ginny?" Lily asked. She sounded upset. "You two were happily married and then you just ended it like it meant absolutely nothing! You were married for twenty years. The two of you were so cute together."

"You have made the biggest mistake of your life, Harry," James added. Harry looked over at him and figured if he had to keep looking back and forth at his parents, he would get whiplash.

"Well?" Lily snapped. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"What do you mean?" James frowned. He wore his dead angry dad pants, freshly imaginarily pressed by his wife. He was just waiting for an excuse to use them.

Harry stood up, unable to handle the pain coming from his neck. "Well, you're dead, right?"

"No need to rub it in," Lily muttered.

"So aren't you supposed to be omnipresent or something like that?"

James rubbed his chin. He complimented himself for wearing his dead thinking boxers, freshly Febreezed. Lily seemed to imaginarily Febreeze everything these days. He told her to get a hobby, but it's hard to have a hobby when you're dead.

"You prove a point," James admitted. He wasn't going to let his son off the hook so easy. "We want to hear it from you though."

"You weren't paying attention were you?" Harry said flatly.

"El Día de los Muertos is a dead people must," Lily chimed in. "We might've missed it."

"Well, then you can find out like everyone else."

James decided to scrap to plan B, "Harry, did I ever tell you the story of when I got my Head Boy Badge?"

"Was that before or after Voldemort killed you when I was a baby and incapable of remembering anything?" Harry raised an eyebrow. He didn't resent his parents for dying. He just thought they didn't think their plan through.

"Well, I was sitting at home with Remus, Sirius, and Peter—may he burn in Hell—and an owl swooped in, dropping off our Hogwarts letters. I opened mine and the badge fell out. I thought it was a mistake, but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. The end."

"Great story, Hansel," Harry replied. "What's the takeaway message?"

"You're making a mistake, but it will be the greatest thing that will ever happened to you," James puffed his chest out proudly. He knew he wore his great advice dead flannel for a reason. He looked over at Lily; she had her head in her hands, shaking her head.

"Thanks for the support dad!" Harry smiled.

Harry opened his eyes. He looked over at the empty spot in his bed. There came a knock on the door. Before Harry could usher the person at the door in, Ginny poked her head around the door.

"Hey, Gin. What can I do for you?" Harry said lightly, lying back in bed. He knew she was here because it was his last night in the house before he moved out.

"Can I stay with you?" Ginny asked. She walked around to the empty side of the bed. Their eyes met and a smile broke through Harry's face. He threw back the covers, "Hop in."

Ginny jumped in before he could change his mind. After a few minutes of silence, Ginny broke it by asking what was on her mind, "Does this mean we aren't going to give it another go at marriage?"

"Nope. Goodnight!" Harry rolled over and fell back asleep.

**AN: Sorry for the really really long chapter. I promise the next one will be significantly shorter. Don't forget to review, and you'll be glad to see I fixed the genres.**


	92. Fighting the Man

James was about to enjoy his glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice, when his mother dropped hi Hogwarts letter in front of him. He stared at the letter with mixed feelings. He was going to be entering his seventh and final year at the school, but instead of being excited like his parents were, he felt indifferent. In fact, James didn't feel like attending his final year of school at all.

"Mum, I don't want to go back to school," James declared. Ginny's head shot up from the waffle iron, where she was cooking breakfast. Harry peeked over the top of his paper, eyes filled with wonder. Albus was a little more dramatic; he dropped a glass of milk. James had to admit the ricocheting echo of shattering glass was a noise best fitting for the bomb he just dropped. As for Lily, she trudged into the kitchen, still groggy, not knowing what was going on.

"Why don't you want to finish school?" Albus was the first to speak. "You do realize that if you don't take the N.E. , you'll never be able to do anything with your life, right?"

"You do realize Uncle Percy was the last person in our family to take the N.E. , right?" James shot back.

"He has a point, Albus," Harry mused from his paper. He decided to disappear behind his paper again. "Why don't you open the letter, read it, and then give me a five-minute argument as to why you shouldn't have to finish school."

James rolled his eyes, but knew better than to defy his father. There's a reason why Voldemort only existed in textbooks and it was sitting across the table from him. He picked up the letter and tore it open. Immediately, a small badge tumbled out of the envelope. James picked up the badge and studied it.

"Head Boy? McGonagall wants me to be Head Boy? This is a joke," James scoffed. He tossed the pin onto the table. Ginny, knowing Harry was probably not going to say anything against their son dropping out of school (he has issues of being hypocritical), stepped in as mum. "See, James? Now you should go back to school so you can fulfill your duties at Head Boy. Your grandfather was Head Boy too. It runs in the family!"

James looked to his father for confirmation. Harry nodded and added: "He was also a better trouble maker than you." James looked taken aback. Did his father just insult his trouble-making abilities? The house elves were still cleaning up custard from the Great Hall from his fourth year! Sure, McGonagall had informed him on his grandfather's escapades, but to think he hadn't even squashed the man's rep in his six years was preposterous!

"I wouldn't say that, Dad," James warned. He used his 'thems be fighting words' voice. "Besides, I don't want to be Head Boy.

"Then write to McGonagall and tell her you don't want to do it." Harry said from behind his paper. After seeing the smile on his face, Ginny knew to back off and let him handle it. He had a plan.

"I will!" James declared. He jumped up from the table and went over to the desk for parchment and ink. He penned a letter to the headmistress of the school, declining the Head Boy position. He dropped the pin into the envelope and tied it to the leg of the family owl.

"Ha! Take that grandpa James!" James shouted after the owl. "Wait till everyone hears I, James Sirius Potter, told McGonagall 'no' to Head Boy!"

"Glad to see you changed your mind," Harry closed his paper.

**AN: This was a suggestion left in a review. Next chapter (recommended in same review), we will hear about Lily making Head Girl. Thank you to person (whose name I am too lazy to look up) for contributing to the story.**


	93. In the Headmistress' Office

Lily sat nervously outside Headmistress McGonagall's office. It was the day before the end of term. She had no idea why she was called to Professor McGonagall's office. She didn't do anything wrong. Unless…maybe she knew about her and Harvey in the broom cupboard last night. She told him they would get caught! Did he listen? Of course not. Now, she's probably going to have her prefect's badge stripped from her and a note sent home and her divorced parents are going to get married again just so they could tag team her punishment. She was going to be grounded for life and forbidden from ever seeing Harvey again so then she'll have to run away with him. They'll go to Norway. No one will think to look for them there. They'll have a small cottage carved into the side of a cliff and have 2.5 kids. Lily made a note to start packing for Norway and to tell Harvey the plan. If they leave from the train station, her parents won't go looking for her…maybe.

"Lily, come in," McGonagall called from her office. Lily swallowed hard and pushed into the office. She timidly walked to the chair sitting in front of McGonagall's desk and sat. A thought flashed to her: if she pled her case, she might not send a letter home. No, wait, this is just what she wanted. She wanted her to confess. Well, this Potter isn't talking.

"What's this about?" Lily said coolly. She leaned back in her chair, imitating what she would imagine James would do. If only she listened to him more than Albus. She would be able to talk her way out of this mess. Stupid sexy Harvey! Stupid raging teenage hormones!

"I wanted to ask you if you would be interested in being Head Girl next year," McGonagall said simply. "You are an exemplary student and model prefect, just like you uncle, Percy."

"Of course I'm interested!" Lily hoped from her seat in excitement. "Why are you asking? I mean, don't you just assign the position to someone?"

"Yes, but after receiving the letter from your brother refusing the position, I thought it might be better to see who is interested in the position before I assign them."

Lily nodded, but the mention of her brother made a question she's been meaning to ask for a few years, "Professor, why did you make James Head Boy? I mean, he didn't even deserve it."

McGonagall smiled and went to look out the window. "When your grandfather was at this school, he was just like your brother. He would get into all kids of trouble! The things that boy would do. Anyways, before he started his final year, Albus decided to make him Head Boy. Amazingly enough, with James Potter as a Head Boy, his marauding stopped. He became a model student and he kept Sirius Black in check too. I figured if it worked with him, it could work for your brother too. I never expected him to refuse the position. In fact, I'm surprised your grandfather didn't think of it. I could tell he hated being Head Boy, but he never quit."

"That's funny." Lily smiled. "But I'm more than happy to be Head Girl. Who's going to be the Head Boy?" Lily mentally crossed her fingers for it to be Harvey.

"I thought about that Hufflepuff boy, Harvey Dillinger, but then I decided to make it Hugo Weasley. I'm old enough to know what happens when you make two people in love Head Boy and Girl. The halls turn to chaos!"

Lily blushed and backed out of the room.


	94. Miss Scarlet in the Orchard with poison

Harry was milling around the orchard at the Burrow. Back by the house, he could see Mrs. Weasley setting up tables for his seventeenth birthday party. A small smile graced the young boy's features. He was not supposed to see anything, but he convinced Fred to relax on guard duty in the form of a sleeping draught induced thank-you pastry (thank you, Hermione!). It's not that he wanted to see the decorations before the party. He just wanted to track down his ex-girlfriend. He saw her leave the drawing room with the crowbar, so naturally she killed Mr. Plum. At least, that's what his one-man game of Clue told him.

As Harry poked around the trees, hoping for an extra kiss, he found a certain blonde-haired Frenchwoman. She had a phial in her hand and a determined look on her face. Long story short, Fleur Delacour was up to no good. Harry swooped in for a closer look.

"Hey there, Fleur. What are you up to on this fine summer evening?" Harry asked. His presence obviously startled the suspect in questioning for she jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Oh, hello Harry. I thought you were inside." Fleur smiled at him, but it was a strained smile. Harry could tell. It was the same smile Miss Peacock wore when she was hiding something.

"I was inside. Now, I am outside," Harry said lightly. If she didn't suspect his suspicion, she might talk. "You never answered my question: What are you up to?"

Fleur blushed, "I was just thinking about the wedding. My sister is telling me I have cold feet, but I am convinced Bill doesn't want to marry me. He hasn't said much since we returned from Hogwarts. We've made the plans, but he just wasn't as excited for it as he was before."

Harry plopped down next to Fleur. This chica blanca needs an amiga. "What are you going to do about it? Are going to talk to Bill? I'm sure he still wants to marry you. Maybe he just wants to push the wedding back some, you know?"

"No, I am certain he just doesn't want to marry me. I have seen him talk to other women. He doesn't love me," Fleur's voice broke a little. Harry patted her on the shoulder. He had good word from credible sources that Bill was arranging something super special awesome for Fleur. However, he couldn't tell his new girl friend that. He had to help her see the light herself.

"The thing is," Fleur continued, "I can't give him up. I love Bill too much. I even got a job at the bank so that he could meet me and fall in love with me. I will marry Bill tomorrow, whether he wants to or not!"

"I take it that's what the phial of stuff is for?" Harry had fingers crossed for an epic wedding entrance with explosions and such, but stopping wedding disaster will have to do in terms of matrimonial excitement.

"It's love potion. I'm going to slip it into his butterbeer."

Harry jumped to his feet. This was more serious than he thought! Fleurs actions were a matter of homeland security. "Fleur, you can't give Bill that potion. I won't let you!" Harry shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a switchblade and flicked it open, "I will kill you if I have to!"

"What are you talking about?" Fleur scooted away from Harry. The gleam in his eyes told him he was talking serious turkey.

"Don't you get it? Slipping men love potions is how Dark Lords are made! I can't have you making more dark lords. Voldemort is enough dark lord to last my lifetime of dark lords," Harry said. To further prove his point he grabbed Fleur's love potion phial and stomped it.

At that precise moment, Bill decided to show up…with Ginny. Harry took Bill's shoulder, "You're welcome, Bill. No need to thank me, I'm just doing my job." Harry walked toward the smell of dinner. He felt Ginny's eyes on him. She was totally checking him out. She dug his sexy strut, and he knew she loved a man who took charge. He will be seeing her later in the evening. Much later. It was a good thing he remembered to pack his door-knob tie, just in case Ginny was too overwhelmed by sexy teen angst. Potter men are always prepared.

**AN: Sorry these last chapters have been coming out really long. I hope the last six are much shorter. No promises though. Leave a review!**


	95. Bad Day at the Office

Ron put his head down on his desk. Harry came around with two mugs of steaming coffee. He set one by his friend's hand and patted Ron on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it mate. It's not your fault."

Ron looked up at Harry. "They were _my_ trainees. No one is going to let me forget about this. Nobody."

Harry grabbed the chair from his desk and rolled it over to by Ron's desk. This was going to take longer than expected. "Think about it this way: they were observant and thinking out of the box. I mean, wasn't that what you wanted them to walk away with?"

"I didn't want them to think a _squirrel _was capable of putting someone under the Imperious curse. I mean, come on Harry, it was obvious the man accusing the rodent was the culprit! Did they see that? No. They thought he was telling the truth."

"It was a rookie's mistake," Harry assured. He saw the folded copy of the _Daily Prophet_ on the corner of the desk. He threw it into the wastebasket, the offending article on the group of auror trainees who took a squirrel into custody no longer in sight.

"Hey, Weasley, nice work on that squirrel case!" One of their co-workers jeered. "The black rodent market is teeming with criminal activity. It's nice to know one sector of the auror office is hot on their tail. In fact, the other day, I heard of a chipmunk leading a jewelry heist in Diagon Alley. You better get on that before the trail goes cold."

Ron groaned. Harry opened his mouth to say something in retort, but had to quickly shut it quickly. A chipmunk leading a jewelry heist was hilarious, but he couldn't let Ron know that. His friend was in misery.

After ten minutes of Ron wishing he was invisible, he lifted his head off of his desk. Harry was still sitting by him. He had brought some paper work to work on. Ron looked at his own work load and reached for his keys. "I think I'm just going to take the rest of the day off. Go home, do some work there."

"You do that Ron." Harry said, only half-listening. Ron scooped up some work from his desk and walked out, facing dozens of more criminal squirrel jokes in the process.


	96. Deleted Scenes

Harry never told anyone his parents talked to him during his first year. Not Ron or Hermione. Ginny, Sirius, and Remus were all left in the dark. Heck, he didn't even tell Dumbledore. He wasn't sure why. He always figured it was because it was his special moment with this parents and he didn't want anyone else to share that moment with him.

"What are you thinking about?" Ginny asked softly. Harry twisted his neck around to see his wife settling into a porch chair. It was a crisp spring morning, perfect for lounging outside.

"My parents," Harry tousled with the idea of telling Ginny his encounter of the third kind.

"What about them?"

"Just the things they said to me when I saw them."

Ginny nodded, "Carry on then."

"You're not going to ask about it?" Harry felt a little disappointed.

"You have your 'I don't want to talk about it' voice. So, I'm not going to ask."

Harry frowned. No fair! She didn't get to decided what he didn't feel like talking about. Only he did because he's Harry Potter. "Well, I'm going to tell you whether you want to hear it or not, so ha! It was in my first year of Hogwarts. I had re-discovered the Mirror of Erised, and Voldemort was talking to me…"

Harry stared into the mirror. In it he saw Quirrell's face and his parents' faces staring back at him. They were staring at him longingly. Oh, how he wished he could remember something about his parents. He wished they were still alive so that he wouldn't have to live with the Dursleys.

"Or you can join me, and together we can do great things. How would you like to see your parents again? You know, Harry, I just happen to have a cure for dead people. Even sad, sops of decomposed bones like your parents. Of course, if they had an open casket funeral, the formaldehyde pumped into their bodies would make my job easier, but I can bring them back nonetheless. It's just cremated dead people I have no resource to disclose to. So, what do you say? Join me. In return for your membership with the Death Eaters you will enjoy fabulous benefits like casual Fridays, unlimited quidditch match tickets. Any game you want! Health insurance, free cable with a fixed rate on ALL the movie channels—that's new, from the Death Eater's Union, and let's see…what am I missing? Oh yes! And I will bring your parents back from the dead. The three of you can go back to that little cottage you lived in and be a happy family. What do you say?"

Harry frowned. He had no idea what he would do with health insurance of casual Fridays, but the movie channels were definitely a plus. He could see himself with Ron and Hermione sitting on his couch, mindlessly watching "Never Back Down" for the nth time. Then there were his parents. He could see them, touch them, hug them. He could run downstairs on a Saturday and his mum will greet him and give him a hot breakfast. This was too good to be true.

"So, if I join you, I get my parents back?" Harry narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"You have my word," Voldemort hissed. "Deal? Give me the stone as a way of signing the invisible contract."

Harry's hand plunged into his pocket, fingers wrapping around the smooth rock.

"Harry James Potter, get that diaper of your head and put it back on your sister!" a woman's voice screeched. Harry whipped around to see his parents standing before him. His mother looked scared, but his dad had remembered to bring his angry eyes from the afterlife.

"What? Mum? Dad? Is that you?"

Lily's concerned face broke into a smile and she wrapper her son in a bear hug. Harry felt his eyes start to well up with tears. It was a dream come true. "It's okay, sweetie, mummy's here." Lily soothed.

"Lily, there's this teeny little problem that in my book takes precedence over hugs." Lily shot her husband a look. Harry smiled.

"Hugs not drugs, dad."

"Says the kid about to sell his soul to the devil," James huffed.

"He said he would bring you back from the dead…"

"He's lying! You can't bring people back from the dead! That's just nonsense! He killed us, Harry. Let's think about this for a minute."

"He's only telling you what you want to hear, Harry," Lily added. Her tone was much softer than James. Harry was immediately able to tell they were taking the good cop/bad cop approach.

"And you know what he's going to do when you giving him what he wants? He's going to kill you!"

"James! Don't scare him!"

"It's the truth, Lily. He got himself this far in life without buffers, he can certainly hear the truth. "

"Is he really going to kill me?" Harry's eyes grew wide.

"He killed us." Lily said flatly.

"So what should I do?"

"Hugs not drugs, son," James answered. Harry scrunched up his nose. Glancing over his shoulder at Voldemort, "he's not very huggable, dad."

"Just do it."

"Okay."

"And that was the first time I talked to my dead parents." Harry sighed to himself at the fond memory. He looked over to see Ginny's reaction. Her knees were curled up to her chest and her cup of coffee was perched perfectly between her legs and abdomen. She had her head tilted off to the side, snoring softly.

Harry chuckled, "I always like to keep my audience riveted!"

**AN: really long chapter, but it's almost the end for this story! The next three chapters will be back to the drabbles with a mongo conclusion to the mysterious divorce Harry filed so many chapters ago.**


	97. Late Night Plotting

Harry could no longer deny it: he was a crime show junkie. He watched everything from "Law & Order: UK" to "Wicked Attraction". He couldn't explain it. There was something enticing about sitting on the couch, eating his late night nachos, watching a bunch muggles trying to solve a mystery. It was more refreshing than chasing after dark wizards. They weren't very creative with their dark magicking. Since most of them were pure-blooded, all they had to do was look in the sketchy pure-blooded areas and follow the bread crumb trail. Hook, line, and sinker.

"What is it this time?" Ginny asked, snuggling up next to Harry so she could mooch off his nachos.

"Lady offs the husband for life insurance policy. She was the sole beneficiary." Harry took a swig of his butterbeer and passed the bottle to Ginny.

"How much?"

"One million pounds."

Ginny nodded and helped herself to more nachos. During the commercial, she took advantage to strike up conversation. "Hey Harry?"

"Yes?"

"You have life insurance right?"

"Yes, we took out a policy because people tend to like me on the dead side…why?"

"Just wondering," Ginny hopped up from the couch and kissed Harry on the head. "Hey, our 20th anniversary is in a couple months, I think we should have a big party." Harry grunted in response and returned to his show. However, he couldn't focus on the case. There was something odd about Ginny asking about life insurance and then saying something about their anniversary.


	98. Sisters, Sex, and Wardrobes

Nineteen year-old Lily Potter knocked feverishly on her eldest brother's door. She knew it was a little late and his newly wedded wife probably wouldn't be too happy, but this was an emergency. Shifting the pile of clothes she had in her left arm to her right, she knocked again.

Zoey threw the door open. As soon as she saw Lily, her eyes narrowed into slits. Lily put on her prettiest smile and tried to ignore the fact that her sister-in-law's hair looked like it got caught in a wind storm. Without an invitation inside, the eager red-head wiggled past the Great Wall of Z and into the house.

"Hey, Lils," James said in his "I'm surprised, but not in a welcoming way" voice.

"Hey James. I'm really sorry to disturb your…evening," Lily eyed Zoey's hair, "but this is super important." She dropped the stack of clothes on the couch. "I have a date tonight and I have nothing to wear."

James took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. Lily would have thought he was annoyed, but the man smiled and she knew he was on board. "What kind of date is it?"

"Well, Dillon said it was fun, casual yet formal. These are all the clothes I have that fit the description."

Zoey snorted, "That's your whole closet!"

"So, dress or pants?" Lily asked, ignoring Zoey.

"Dress." James answered automatically. He finished buttoning his pants so he could get working on finding Lily a dress. After fifteen minutes of poking through the pile, he extracted a dress he knew was perfect for the night.

"I knew you would find something!" Lily squealed. She snatched the dress up and threw her arms around her brother. "Where would I be without you?" James merely smiled and watched as his sister bounced into the fireplace and back to her flat.

"What are we going to do with this?" Zoey exclaimed pointing to the abandoned pile.

"Meh, throw it in the attic. It'll make great Christmas/Easter/birthday presents for the next few years."


	99. Carrots

Harry stared at the baby carrot stick with determination. Across the table, Ron held a baby carrot. A smirk was plastered on his face.

"You ready to get beat again?" Ron asked.

"Just keep your knickers on when I toss you into next week!" Harry cried before shoving the carrot stick into his mouth. Ron quickly followed suit.

The two men stared at each other as they munched on their carrots. Harry chewed as fast as his teeth could manage. He was not about to let Ron win their carrot eating contest! He munched his way past his ex-wife, masticated Bill into extinction, and he chomped his way up to this moment in his life. He was going to beat Ron.

Just as Harry was about to swallow, Ron threw his arms in the air. He opened his mouth for Hermione to judge. "Yep, he ate it," she confirmed.

"What was that you were saying Harry?" Ron smirked at his long-time friend.

"Oi, Ron, Just wait until your tooth falls out and next year we'll see who wins." Harry swallowed his carrot and swishes his mouth clean before putting his dentures back in.

Ron paused and reached into his mouth. He wiggled his loose tooth. For a moment, a flash of worry crossed his face, but it disappeared as fast as it came. "Well Harry, by the time I'm down to three teeth, you will be down to one!"

The three friends burst out laughing. It had been ninety years to the day since they met on the train.

**AN: Up next, we (and by "we" I mean "you") will find out why Harry divorced Ginny. I am now taking speculations.**


	100. Answers

Ginny sat on the stairs watching as boxes floated out the front door one by one. Despite sleeping with Harry the previous night, she didn't sleep a wink. She figured it was her Weasley genes finally kicking in…four months later. She had wallowed in freakish misery for a month and then for the other three months she wandered about in a limbo. Now, however, she was royally pissed off.

Just as Ginny's anger started to reach a boiling, Harry walked in. He had a sign in his hand, "Hey Ginny, ready to go?"

"Go? What do you mean 'go'?" Ginny snapped. She was not in the mood for his chipper demeanor. "This is my house. I'm staying here."

Harry's face scrunched up and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I guess that's okay, but you should ask the new owners if you could haunt their new dream home for the remainder of your life and maybe in the hereafter."

"New owners?" Ginny's eyes widened in horror. She looked down at the sign in Harry's hand and read "sold" in bold red letters. Her body began to shake with fury. Now he had gone too far. Her eyes narrowed into slits as Harry waived the sign in her face happily. Ginny ripped the sing out of his hands and smacked him across the face with it. Harry went down.

"How dare you sell my house!" Ginny exploded. "Was it not enough for you to divorce me and pretend that it was nothing? Did you care that you painfully ripped my heart out that I was distraught for months? And I watched as you packed up the entire house, thinking you were going to leave me with just an empty house, but no! No, you decided to take that from me too! So what are you leaving me with you floppy wanded dementor buggerer!"

"What makes you think I'm leaving you with nothing? You're coming with me to the new house, are you not?" Harry frowned.

Ginny gripped the sing firmly in her hands and proceeded to beat her ex-husband with it. Harry quickly curled into a fetal position. It was his only defense as his body absorbed blow after blow from the dreaded "sold" sign.

"Um, should we come back later?" A small voice said from the doorway. Ginny froze mid-smackdown. Standing in the doorway was the young couple who wanted to make their dream home from the remnants of her dream home. The young couple had looks of horror on their faces. The husband was standing protectively in front of his wife. After further inspection, Ginny noticed the woman was pregnant. She quickly ditched the sign and flipped a stray lock of hair out of her face. She put on her politest smile and held out her hand in greeting. The couple just stared at her hand.

Ginny gave a small smile, "feel free to look around the house! We're just going to finish our business in the sitting room." She stooped over and grabbed Harry's leg, dragging him across the floor into the sitting room.

Instinctively, Harry reached up for the sofa that was usually there, but only found himself to be reaching for air. He gave up, collapsing on the floor. He lay there for a few minutes, Ginny staring down at him. After the few minutes in staring contest (Ginny blinked first so naturally Harry won), he figured getting beaten by a real estate sign was better than being hexed. He pulled his bruised body upright.

Ginny felt like kicking him, but since the new "owners" of her house were in earshot, she decided against it.

"Why did you divorce me?" She finally asked. In the end, the reason was all she wanted to know.

"Well, it had been on my mind for a while before I actually did it. I kept trying to figure out why, but it never came to me. I thought maybe chalking it up to a fear of you killing me for a life insurance policy, but that made no sense. You'd have to be jobless for that. Then I just realized I didn't want to be married anymore."

Ginny's anger broke down into sorrow again. She felt a lump well up in her throat. She tried her hardest to not to cry. "You don't love me anymore!"

"No, it's not like that at all," Harry wrapped his arms around Ginny's waist and she immediately buried her face into his shoulder, starved of his closeness. "I still love you Ginny. I just got bored with being married, so I thought to jazz it up a little."

"By filing for divorce?" Ginny said. Her voice muffled by Harry's muscular shoulder. He must have been working out. Those boxes did look heavy. She wondered what other muscles lifting heavy boxes could tone. Some core work, no doubt. Tri's and thighs too. Ginny opened an eye to glance down at Harry's bum. No change. A little disappointing, but his pectorals were feeling a little more toned. She figured the pectorals made up for the bum.

"Will the kids be at the new house?" Ginny suddenly asked, cutting Harry off from whatever he was saying.

"What?" Harry pulled away to look at his ex in the face. He noticed the gleam in her eyes. "You haven't been paying attention to a thing I've said to you, have you?  
>"It was a lovely speech, I'm sure." Ginny answered.<p>

Harry rolled his eyes. Typical Ginny. "So I take it we're cool?"

"Of course not! I still want to know why you felt like not being married anymore."

"I thought to myself twenty years is a long time to be married to someone. Then I read all these stories in _Witch Weekly_ about women bragging how long they have been married to their husbands, thus defying the odds of marriage nowadays. For the life of me, I imagined you as one of those women somewhere down the road and I felt myself cringe. I thought it would be funnier to say we were divorced for much longer than we were married, but we were still together. Except then we just became permanent boyfriend and girlfriend. Plus the divorce lets our kids have a cool hyphenated last name."

It took Ginny a moment to process everything Harry told her, but as soon as it set in, she doubled over laughing. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!"

"Well, so long as there is no blood to clean up or bodies to dispose, kindly get out of our house," The man of the young couple called out from over the railing. Harry and Ginny looked over at the man.

"Bloody hell, Harry," Ginny said. "Of all the people you could have sold the house to, you had to give it to Mr. and Mrs. Arse." Harry started laughing. He grabbed Ginny's hand and the two disapparated to their new starter home in suburban Tempe.

Of course, After a year in suburban Tempe and three skin cancer scares later, the Weasley-Potter clan relocated back across the pond to Gordric's Hollow. Harry didn't feel like living in the house his parents died in for obvious reasons ("Who wants to live in a house where their parents were brutally murdered, Gin?"), so they bought the house next door. Because Harry was technically owned his parents old house, he demolished the memory of them having once lived there by blowing up the house's remains and installing a pool with a spa. The kids, grandkids and great-grandkids loved it.

Two Years before Harry died, _Witch Weekly_ did another spread on women with long-lasting marriages. Ginny was featured and Harry clipped the article. It hung next to their wedding photo.

**AN: The end! Let me know what you think! Thanks to all who read and clicked all the little check boxes when you go to review.**


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